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Oh and I don’t remember anything that’s happened, but whatever!! I’m sure there will be brand new plot for me to get my head around that contradicts the rest of the season somehow.
What The Episode Was Called: Clip Show
What It Should Have Been Called: 9.12, because Supernatural does not need 22-episode seasons. THEY SUCK AT IT.
RECAP: As usual it is FULL OF ALL THIS SHIT. SOME OF WHICH I HAVEN’T WATCHED….WHO IS ABBADON? Some red-headed chick by the looks of things. That Dean cut into strips and laid under cement. Okay then.
Our pre-credits soiree comes with one of the original Dumb Kids In The Woods!!!!!!!!™ All the way back from season 1!
“WENDIGO” HE SCREAMS. Right before he bursts, and blood splatters on his girlfriend and everywhere because that’s not old yet.
Sam and Dean are going through files. This will be half of the screen time in season 9, right? Sam and Dean going through files. Sam still feels like shit. Oh well. Castiel shows up and…wait what, how did he escape?! WHATEVER. He likes their bunker. His wound is still healing. Sam says that Dean wants to add a ping pong table to their huge house. Hopefully he realises that it takes two people to play ping pong. Castiel and Sam continue to have a very boring conversation.
DEAN ISN’T TALKING TO CAS!!! I feel like I’ve missed something because I have no idea why. DID I MISS AN EPISODE . Oh okay. He’s sad because Castiel didn’t trust him.
Oh Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean, please. Shut the fuck up.
Sam interrupts the converstion to ask if they have a room 7b. IS THIS A HOUSE OR A FREAKING SCHOOL?
“7B WEIRD !!!” – this is what Sam says when they’re in the room, but only after he tells Dean to go easy on Cas. They find a devil’s trap and chains with spells and what not etched on to it. THEY HAVE A DUNGEON! And Sam has some sort of reel, so he declares that it’s Movie Night. In said movie, there’s some demon on leash attached to all those chains, and Sam smartly notices that they look exactly like the ones in the dungeon….because…he it’s not like he found the fucking tape in the room where the dungeon is or anything. Well done, Sam.
“That was weird,” Dean says. “With three exclamation points.”
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Sam says that the exorcizing ritual was different from the one they’re used to. They find out where one of the people in the video lives and they drive to St. Louis, MO and some priest says that some other dude, Father Thompson, thought that demons could be saved. But it went wrong. Father Thompson got ripped to shreds.
Sam, while trying to get a question out, starts coughing all over the place because Dean apparently can’t take over the line of questioning. Dean gives a speech about how Sam will kill all the demons blah, blah he believes in him. Yeah Dean, sure you do.
Meanwhile, Castiel is shopping. This basically consists of him breaking eggs and knocking shit over while the teenager that works there just says “DUDE!” over and over again. Castiel then tries to threaten the kid over pie.
Luckily, Metatron busts in and saves the day. Or well, Marv, because that’s the name he goes by in public.
METATRON IS MARV IN PUBLIC.
M A R V.
This episode has random flashbacks for some reason. Please make it stop.
Marv wants to save the day. With Castiel. OH MARV. He wants to shut down heaven! And then he starts going on about crepes. I have no idea what any of this is about.
Sam and Dean find some tape of one of the last exorcisms or something.
“When you crawled into Mr Kent,” Father Thompson says, “And you ate his children, how did it feel?”
Wait. Okay, whatever.
And then that happens over and over again with the demon giving a different response each time that Father Thompson injects it with something. It begs him to stop. In the end Father Thompson cures the demon. So basically it’s just Mr Kent. Uh, how is curing a demon any different to a standard exorcism? DOES THE DEMON DIE. NO ONE EXPLAINS THIS.
Marv and Cas have lunch and talk about something boring. Marv has some angel-saving tasks that he wants Castiel to do. Oh boy. The first trial is to cut the waitresses heart out. Because she’s the offspring of an angel and a human. GOD, THIS EPISODE IS FULL OF CLUMSILY EXPLAINED SURPRISES!!
Back in some warehouse Sam and Dean are sewing Abbadon back together…for…some reason, I don’t know or care or whatever. She comes back to life. They say some shit. She says some shit. They smirk at the fact that she doesn’t have hands and there’s a bullet lodged in her brain or something. Aren’t they lovely? But then Crowley calls.
Crowley’s phone number is 666.
This is ridiculously unfunny. They leave the room to answer the call because she was asking questions. I still don’t know who this Abbadon chick is but she somehow manages to moves her detached hand from a box with her mind…and then uses it to pull a bullet out of her mouth. Gross. After the lovely phone call, Crowley sends Sam a text with an address…and adds a devil icon afterwards.
I don’t even know what to say.
Anyway, he sends them to an address where someone they saved back in Season 4 has been burnt to a crisp in her own oven.
Crowley calls again to tell them that he’s killing everyone that they have ever saved. Oh well. He got his knowledge from the Supernatural books. He’s going to kill someone every 12 hours until they bring him the demon tablets.
Meanwhile, Castiel and Marv are staking out the waitress. The waitress kicks the shit out of Cas. YES. YESSS. YESSSSSSSSSS. And then she moves onto Marv. Aw, poor Marv, luckily for him Castiel kills her and saves their very important day. I hope that Marv treats him to some crepes.
Crowley sends Sam and Dean to a motel and ding ding dong, SARAH BLAKE IS THERE!!! Sam tells her everything and she’s all cool about the fact that she’s going to die because they’ve done it before, they’ve saved her before.
OH HONEY, PLEASE.
Anyway, Sam and Dean pretend as though they have a chance at saving her and spray their devil’s traps and shit. She starts to fiddle with her ring. She’s married blah, blah, blah, Sam’s happy for her. They have a heart to heart. Sam’s different blah, blah, blah.
SHE SAYS THAT SHE MISSES THE OLD HAIRCUT. I THINK I LOVE HER.
Crowley calls them again… and then basically kills Sarah via a spell. She was just sort of choking on the floor, and it looked really stupid. To think that she thought they’d save her. Poor thing.
SAVING PEOPLE, HUNTING THINGS, THE FAMILY BUSINESS, Crowley cries!
I think Sam and Dean should change that to, HUNTING THINGS, SCREWING PEOPLE OVER, THE FAMILY BUSINESS.
After that Crowley’s still talking but I don’t know who the fuck is listening to him? They’re running around looking for the hex bag! Did they put him on speaker?
Oh, they did. That was dumb of them. Dean eventually smashes the phone – et voila!!!, the hex bag was in the phone. IN THE PHONE. This is the best thing that Crowley has done all season. Point to Team Crowley.
But….screw you writers, for killing Sarah Blake. WHAT DID SHE DO TO YOU? SHE LIKED SAM’S OLD HAIR. SHE DESERVED TO LIVE.
Sam thinks that they should take the deal (to give Crowley the tablet) but Dean gives Sam some sort of shitty motivational speech, “We’ll kick it in the ass like we always do!”
Of course you will, Dean. Of course.
This episode was mostly terrible. That’s all I have to say. I’m sure the finale will manage to be much, much worse.