This is terrible but not very long. Haha.
What This Episode Was Called: I actually have no idea.
What It Should Have Been Called: Dean Winchester, M.D.
Sam and Dean show up at Kevin’s shack with the second half of the tablet and he declares that he can find out the third trial. Sam and Dean are overly ecstatic and Sam calls him Special K and they leave and oh, they’re demons and really, it’s all an elaborate set up by Crowley, who claims that he was born to direct. For some reason he actually has a backstage area set up and everything. How wonderful.
Meanwhile, the real Sam is all sick looking as he huddles over his laptop with something draped over his shoulders for effect. Dean threatens to force feed him because he hasn’t eaten for three days. Sam has some elaborate shit to say while Dean looks sad and teary. Sam gets an email containing a video from Kevin who screams IF YOU’RE WATCHING THIS THEN I’M DEAD and whines and whines. Dean gets upset, Sam stands there. I try not to punch myself.
Castiel is holed up in every single Biggerson’s in the USA, which all miraculously have the same layout. He’s trying to keep himself hidden by….switching between different branches of the same restaurant. How smart. The camera pans to a million different Biggersons because we really needed to understand what was happening despite the fact that it was explained to us like everything on this show is, regardless of whether or not it makes sense.
He gets caught, naturally. Naomi says some shit and demands that the other angels search all the Biggersons’ for the tablet.
Naomi is trying to get answers from Cas but Crowley shows up and kills a bunch of Angels. Crowley. Naomi. She vanishes. He stabs Castiel. Crowley also has an angel on his side…who seriously does not shut the fuck up until Cas deals with him.
Whereas, behind the scenes of The Kevin Tran Saga, Crowley thinks that he’d make a good Dean. I’d like to see his one, single, perfect tear. Fake Sam and Dean are faced with a dilemma when Kevin says that he needs the other half of the tablet to figure out the second half of the tablet. He sends the demons to the wrong place, and they’re trapped.
EVENTUALLY, CROWLEY RIPS THE ANGEL TABLET OUT OF CASTIEL’S STOMACH. GROSS. I don’t have any idea how this happened. I literally looked up to see Crowley ripping it out.
Sam and Dean are after some messengers of God or whatever, meaning that they end up somewhere with “Native Americans”, because Dean isn’t supposed to call them Indians. Sam is still sick. Boohoo. When they get to their motel in wherever…Sam has a dizzy spell that consists of a really unflattering angle of his head and awful hair. “He has the flu,” Dean quips after Sam hears some noises in his head. The guy at the motel didn’t even ask, but okay. Up in the motel room, Sam loses his mind and starts chatting nonsense until he thankfully falls asleep. Dean goes to talk to someone and catches sight of an old photograph that bears an uncanny resemblance to the man at the motel reception.
Gasp. It is never brought up again, however, which is a huge surprise. Not.
Sam goes walkabouts finds a box of books, goes crazy and then passes out as he gets back to the room …seconds after his call to Dean goes through. Sam wakes up in a bathtub full of ice. A bathtub full of ice. Apparently his temperature was 107 degrees, so…Dean thought it necessary to shove Sam into a bathtub full of ice. Dr Dean Winchester, everyone. Sam immediately starts rambling about how Metratron is here and that he can feel it and that it’s connected to him somehow, and I’m not sure what it is but all of Sam’s scenes are giving me some serious second hand embarrassment. Anyway, apparently the motel manager was delivering books to Metatron. LOL.
Sam starts going on about how Dean used to read some ultimate comic book when he was really, really little. Dean doesn’t remember. But Sam remembers thinking about how he’d never going on adventures like that because he wasn’t clean. WAS NOT CLEAN. Whoever wrote this episode lost me at comic book. Do me a favour. Anyway, Sam asks Dean if he thinks that young!Sam knew about the demon blood back then. This whole conversation is unnecessary. At one point Dean says that he should have taken Sam to the ER.
Sam then says that the trials are purifying him.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA I thought he was doing it for Dean. I suppose his fever is making him delirious or whatever but still.
Dean doesn’t look impressed. Sam realises that the books he saw before his ice bath are gone, but surprise surprise, there’s an open door and they discover a room full of books and a man wielding a gun. “Metatron? This is Metatron?” Dean presumably had some idea of what Metatron was supposed to look like or someone is desperately trying to inject some humor into this horrible episode. Metatron does look like a librarian, however. His presence makes Sam a little deaf. Upon hearing that Meta whatever doesn’t know who they are Sam says, “You’ve never heard of us? What kind of Angel are you? We’re the friggin’ Winchesters!” Dean makes some kind of face. Metatron appears to know nothing at all. Sam still has some ringing in his ears, and Metatron says that he’s resonating. To cut a long story short – Metatron wrote the tablets, God vanished, the archangels rebelled and Metatron was waiting for them to realise that they needed him. What a jackass. Sam doesn’t seem to be happy about this. Dean looks indifferent. I am confused as to why any of this is relevant and only being brought up in episode fucking 21. Sam and Dean start their angel rant blah blah, pain suffering etc blah blah.
Metatron saves Kevin from Crowley by erasing Crowley’s angel proofing…how convenient. Metatron is noncommittal when Dean asks if he’s on their side. Kevin has the second half of the tablet and the third trial is to cure a demon….cure a demon from what?! LOL. Death….demon-ness?
The episode ends with Cas lying in wait in the middle of the fucking road that Sam and Dean happen to be driving along.
Only one question really, if Metatron was out there all along and there was an alternative way of finding out what the tablets meant, why is that this only became an option once they thought that Kevin was dead? It just makes Sam and Dean look like assholes, which they are. But still.
This show is stupid.