Anyway, moving on!
What the episode is called: Taxi Driver
What it should have been called: The One Where Someone Drives A Car Over Sam Winchester’s Lifeless Body And Then Gives Dean The Same Treatment And Puts This Show Out Of It’s Misery or It’s Season 8, What Were You Expecting? (The Joke Is On You)
My understanding and thought process on season 8 usually ends up with me doing this with my face:
Before I move onto this:
After a tedious recap, we find ourselves with Kevin. Crowley is in Kevin’s head LOL, and he’s taunting him and making him see shit. Like, his arm with his hand cut off. It is the worst hand less arm I have ever seen. Unfortunately it is not real, and Sam and Dean show up to make his day worse. Naturally, he opens the door with a frying pan.
Kevin doesn’t hit Dean with the frying pan, sadly. He tells them what the second trial is. Second trial: rescue a soul from hell. Sam asks how, why, why, when???? They summon a demon. And ask him how to enter hell. LOL. I’ll get back to that. So… Men of Letters doesn’t have this information? Nor Bobby’s books? They have to ask a lowly demon!!!
Colour me shocked.
Rogue reapers are smuggling people (out of hell? I was too busy laughing). The Demon begs to be killed, because even he wants to be off the show asap. The word coyote is mentioned. I don’t know why. They meet up with a reaper, and conveniently, Bobby’s reaper is the guy they meet up with. LOL!!!!! AMAZING!
They think Bobby should be in heaven. LOL. What the fuck for? Sam says he’s going alone. (Let’s hope his hair doesn’t catch fire.) Dean pulls some sad faces before agreeing. There’s no real acknowledgement of the fact that according to this show, Hell is Awful, and it was Extraordinarily Awful for Sam. Oh and they don’t clarify how it is that Sam can just walk into hell in his human form. And why would they? That would require them thinking in a logical manner. That’s not allowed here. SUPERNATURAL LOGIC.
Btw, they did their business with Reaper guy in the street where anyone could see. And someone did see….joy. The passage to “hell” is basically some graffiti covered alley way. LOL. BUT, PLOT TWIST!!!! Sam ends up in Purest Purgatory which is Hell adjacent. Reaper guy gives Sam directions. Basically – Where three trees meet as one, MAGIC ROCKS BY THE TREES WILL LEAD TO HELL! Where…three trees meet as one. I…what kind of fertilizer are they using in Purest Purgatory?! There is another magical portal. Oh who gives a shit.
Back at the boat, Kevin, hides in his closet – bad acting ahoy! Choo, choo! Seriously, this kid is awful. His voice is always an octave too high. ALWAYS. Why isn’t he dead yet? Anyway, Dean sounds like he has a sock shoved up his nose. He tells Kevin that shit will only get worse for them. Dean is so smart, wonderful and amazing. And he’s still been relegated to Prophet Watch! *snicker*
Crowley kills reaper after getting info from him, while Sam does his regular L’oreal commercial segment as he strolls through Purest Purgatory. He locates some rocks (MAGIC!) and YAY HELL PORTAL. Seriously, if it is this easy to get into hell, why didn’t Dean/Sam ever rescue each other before? LOL. Did the writers not sit down and think about the fact that we have SEASONS revolving around the fact that THEY COULDN’T GET EACH OUT OF HELL. But…now they’re telling heck, showing us that SAM’S JUST GOING TO WALK INTO HELL LIKE IT’S A FUCKING STROLL IN THE PARK?
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. I’ve got nothing.
Hell is basically some poorly-lit dungeon —basement,even–with people chained to walls. Hahaha, all the dead people call out and Sam just stares at them, as if he wasn’t expecting them to be there. After approximately two minutes, he finds Bobby. Who proceeds to knock Sam out. Or punch him or whatever.
Let’s go over that again, Sam saunters into hell with minimal effort, and find Bobby after TWO MINUTES.
FUCK. THIS. SHOW. It’s just, embarrassing to watch. I was too busy laughing maniacally to punch myself, but I was considering it.
After that ridiculous nonsense, Sam proves that he’s the real Sam by mentioning a pedicure that Bobby had a million years ago.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA GROSS BUT OMG HOW HILARIOUS. Not. Oh and Bobby’s hell has been endless Sam and Dean’s with black eyes. I almost feel sorry for him. Sam says he’s here to get Bobby out blah blah blah blah who cares, the trial is all but done. Get the fuck off the screen.
Kevin hides the tablet. Crowley announces that his half of the tablet is useless. That clears up that question then, most likely they couldn’t think of a decent plot twist so decided to dismiss the second half LOL. Oh dear, oh dear.
Naomi meets up with Dean. Blah, blah, blah, blah, angel tablet, Cas tried to kill Dean, blah, blah. Dean doesn’t trust angels, but hasn’t angel proofed the hideout. Naomi deduces that this is because Dean is hoping that Cas comes back. I suppose that email, text or Twitter only exist on the show when they want to make HILARIOUS(!) pop culture jokes and send Sam to Kermit, Texas to sit outside Amelia’s house and express his heartbreak. God forbid that Dean and Castiel communicate without being face to face/prayers! I just want Naomi to beat the shit out of Dean, or something.
Naomi tells Dean that the way into hell is via Purest Purgatory. Our budding genius didn’t bother to look it up or anything. Dean pulls a face. I don’t really know what emotion he’s trying to express, and I don’t care either.
Sam and Bobby are literally strolling out of hell. Eventually, they kill a demon. And Bobby kills a fake Sam by taking a chance. He says that it was 50/50 and Sam pulls a few faces. (It’s like they have a contortionist on set or something, who is helping them stretch their faces.) We all know that he likes Dean better anyway. Good ole Bobby Singer.
After that minor scuffle, they’re in Purgatory!!!!!! So quick and EASY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then Dean finds the dead reaper and is forced to contact Benny!!!!!!!!! YAY! Not. I can’t understand a word that Benny says, not only does he growl, he also mumbles. I don’t understand. At all.
Meanwhile, B and S are chatting. I’m tempted to just refer to Bobby and Sam as bullshit, because that’s what I’m watching right now. Sam gives him the 411. And for some inane reason Bobby is glad to be in action, until Sam informs him that for the trial to be complete Bobby’s soul has to go to heaven. OH THANK GOD. Bobby says some shit about them springing him out (of heaven, LOL!!! What a douche) and Sam’s noncommittal because REAPER GUY AIN’T THERE.
Back on earth, Dean wants Benny to die because his little brother is down there. They don’t explain very well, but Dean wants Benny to go down there and direct Sam to the portal. Benny says some whiny shit. Dean cries and tells Benny to make sure he comes back up to Earth from Purgatory. Yeah, how about no. DEAN THEN KILLS BENNY…but only after hugging him. Awww. How sweet. Not.
Surprisingly, nothing is attacking Bullshit (it has a nice ring to it) in Purest Purgatory. Well long enough for Sam to give Bobby some more 411. Bobby realises that Sam didn’t look for Dean. Sam mentions the “promise”. Apparently the agreement/promise from 8×01 was Bobby’s doing?! But…it was a NON AGREEMENT!!!!! Before the writers can dig themselves into a deeper hole, something attacks B and S and BENNY SWOOPS IN TO SAVE THE DAY.
“What are you doing here?” Sam growls instead of y’know, thanking Benny for saving his ass. Benny says Dean sent him.
BOBBY IS OUTRAGED!!!!!!!!
HOW DARE HIS DEAN BEFRIEND A VAMPIRE LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m sure that “my Dean” is what he actually says. I was HOWLING with laughter.
Bobby says that Sam and Dean really went off the rails. Oh shut the fuck up. Like those two were ever on the fucking rails.
We move on to the RETURN OF THE PORTAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND FINALLY SAM GETS THE GLOWING ARM OF REDNESS TREATMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sam cuts his arm, and blood bonds with Bobby, and then BOBBY IS INSIDE HIS ARM.
They are about to leave. But not before Benny’s friends come for him, and he tells Sam to go and Sam climbs into the portal and the special effects are HILARIOUS!!!!!! Though, I just decided to ignore them and visualize Jared vs Wind Machine instead. Both visuals were extremely entertaining.
Somehow, Dean is in the exact spot that Sam emerges from. AND AWWWW, WINCHESTER HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How lovely. *eye roll* Sam gives Dean the 411 (I keep saying that because it’s less words to write) and then Sam has to cut Bobby out of his arm, LOL! Crowley shows up to stop Bobby’s ascent to heaven. Shortly after that Naomi shows up and declares Bobby to be an “innocent”. As always Crowley vanishes just before he can be killed, and Bobby finally gets to heaven. Blah blah blah. Sam manages to get a question out and they finish the trial and YAY GLOWING ARM!!!! Dean’s all like SAM TALK TO ME as Sam cries out in pain. Sam says he’s fine (lol), and that it is done.
Somehow Crowley finds Kevin. Again. Crowley claims that he killed Mrs Tran, cue a very passionate Anakin Skywalker-upon-hearing-that-Padme-is-dead-esque “NOOOOOOOOOO!!” from Kevin, and thus, the torture (of Kevin) begins.
Dean didn’t burn Benny’s bones. Uh, do vampires have spirits now? LOL. Sam says that he gets their (Dean and Benny) friendship now. Whatever Sam. They get to Kevin, and think that he’s made a run for it.
Thoughts: This episode was hilarious. Just…such absolute and utter nonsense that I can’t even fault it. It was so bad that it was perfect, but the only actor that was any decent was Amanda Tapping. Jared looks like he’s on freaking autopilot, Jensen was in a constant state of perplexity, Osric Whatever was…ugh. Jim Beaver was bland. Obviously the material sucks, but, they’re supposed to be able to get past that. But hey, more amusement for me!!! Naomi is my Queen until she does something uncharacteristically stupid, or, dies because having boobs is a Bad Thing on this show.
Next week’s episode is called “Pac Man”. And it has Felicia Day in it. I will not be watching it unless Charlie dies. But apparently she and Dean get trapped in well, Pac Man, I guess. As Crowley would say, what a load of bollocks.