Quick note from supernaturalsnark: Yo! Trish (who is awesome!) was kind enough to write the snarkycapthing for episode 18, and it’s hilariously funny and brilliant so you should all read it! 😀 I AM JEALOUS OF THE LENGTH. MY GOAL FOR THE NEXT ONE IS TO MAKE IT THIS SHORT. If I fail to do so, my punishment will be watching the next Felicia Day episode.
Title: “Freaks and Geeks” AKA-“Krissy The Vampire Slayer”
This episode starts off insulting the viewers. They felt the need to remind us what a vampire is. I’m pretty sure everyone on the fucking planet knows what a vampire is (except maybe the Amish?) so fuck you very much for wasting 90 seconds of my life to regurgitate common knowledge. Then we’re reminded of Krissy Chambers. She’s the brat from last season who wasted an hour of our lives. Her dad was a hunter so we’re supposed to care. I do NOT!
This week we’re in Kansas. Lil miss Kriss is violating some boy’s face but something interrupts them. OMG a vampire! What a shock! As if the recap didn’t give it away, dumbasses. Krissy’s boy toy decapitates it. I’m SO impressed- but wait! The kids were acting as bait! Unfortunately they all survive. Cut to Harry & Burgundy looking for or talking about a job. They bitch like teenagers arguing over which boyband is better. Actually that would have been a more believable, mature argument.
Dean sees some footage of The Babysitters Club killing the vamp and he’s supposed to look shaken and concerned. Instead he just looks brorange. Theres a weird scene where Prissy Krissy’s BoyToy calls her phone a ‘cellie’. I’m not good with slang and whatnot but WTF kid?
Dean and Sam track down the kids. Krissy thinks she’s funny but unfortunately she’s about as funny as Dane Cook. Krissy & the gang’s families were murdered by vampires. So Prissy Krissy, her boy toy Aiden, and their other friend (who remained unnamed through almost the entire episode) are out for revenge! Because they’re so cool and badass! Now that Scooby-Doo (Dean) and Shaggy (Sam) have shown up, they just need a van and the gang is complete!
Blah blah, boring stuff happens. Krissy talks in the same boring, over dramatic, tone the entire episode. I wish she’d fall in a black hole. Turns out these brats have been living with a guy named Victor. And since there is only one man in all of North America named Victor, Sam and Dean realize “OMG! Like, we totally know this guy!” Victor is one creepy looking dude and he should look familiar to Scooby & Shaggy. Back when they were Dean & Sam he was Dr.Hydecker (the Shtriga) from “Something Wicked”. He’s looking after the kids now, teaching them to hunt while allowing them to have a semi-normal life. Gold star for you Dr.Hydecker!-NOT. Dr. Hydecker is actually in cahoots with a vampire. Surprise of the century! Dr. H had Krissy and the gang’s families killed because he wanted them trained as hunters.
To sum the end up quickly; they figure out Dr.Victor is a bastard. They confront him and his vamp buddy. Victor kills himself. Krissy and her friends decide it’s okay to keep living in the house from “Malleus Maleficarum” despite Victor’s brains being scattered on the wall. Dean growls at Krissy, she kisses him on the cheek and he squints back at her. By season 15 they’ll be dating, then maybe she’ll die. Rapunzel (Sam) and Prince Haremshake (Dean) leave and have one last whiny exchange about closing the gates of hell. Sam makes his obligatory “I want a normal life” remark and laments over not having any pastries (edit: and CAAAAAAAAAAKE!) this week.
This episode has been brought to you by the letter W as in Why? Why bother? Who fucking cares about Krissy? What was the fucking point of that?