special snarkview: 8×18, supernatural’s 3303030303th vampire episode.


Quick note from supernaturalsnark: Yo! Trish (who is awesome!) was kind enough to write the snarkycapthing for episode 18, and it’s hilariously funny and brilliant so you should all read it! 😀 I  AM JEALOUS OF THE LENGTH. MY GOAL FOR THE NEXT ONE IS TO MAKE IT THIS SHORT. If I fail to do so, my punishment will be watching the next Felicia Day episode. 


Title: “Freaks and Geeks” AKA-“Krissy The Vampire Slayer”

This episode starts off insulting the viewers. They felt the need to remind us what a vampire is. I’m pretty sure everyone on the fucking planet knows what a vampire is (except maybe the Amish?) so fuck you very much for wasting 90 seconds of my life to regurgitate common knowledge. Then we’re reminded of Krissy Chambers. She’s the brat from last season who wasted an hour of our lives. Her dad was a hunter so we’re supposed to care. I do NOT!

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This week we’re in Kansas. Lil miss Kriss is violating some boy’s face but something interrupts them. OMG a vampire! What a shock! As if the recap didn’t give it away, dumbasses. Krissy’s boy toy decapitates it. I’m SO impressed- but wait! The kids were acting as bait! Unfortunately they all survive. Cut to Harry & Burgundy looking for or talking about a job. They bitch like teenagers arguing over which boyband is better. Actually that would have been a more believable, mature argument.

Dean sees some footage of The Babysitters Club killing the vamp and he’s supposed to look shaken and concerned. Instead he just looks brorange. Theres a weird scene where Prissy Krissy’s BoyToy calls her phone a ‘cellie’. I’m not good with slang and whatnot but WTF kid?

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Dean and Sam track down the kids. Krissy thinks she’s funny but unfortunately she’s about as funny as Dane Cook. Krissy & the gang’s families were murdered by vampires. So Prissy Krissy, her boy toy Aiden, and their other friend (who remained unnamed through almost the entire episode) are out for revenge! Because they’re so cool and badass! Now that Scooby-Doo (Dean) and Shaggy (Sam) have shown up, they just need a van and the gang is complete!

Blah blah, boring stuff happens. Krissy talks in the same boring, over dramatic, tone the entire episode. I wish she’d fall in a black hole. Turns out these brats have been living with a guy named Victor. And since there is only one man in all of North America named Victor, Sam and Dean realize “OMG! Like, we totally know this guy!” Victor is one creepy looking dude and he should look familiar to Scooby & Shaggy. Back when they were Dean & Sam he was Dr.Hydecker (the Shtriga) from “Something Wicked”. He’s looking after the kids now, teaching them to hunt while allowing them to have a semi-normal life. Gold star for you Dr.Hydecker!-NOT. Dr. Hydecker is actually in cahoots with a vampire. Surprise of the century! Dr. H had Krissy and the gang’s families killed because he wanted them trained as hunters.

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To sum the end up quickly; they figure out Dr.Victor is a bastard. They confront him and his vamp buddy. Victor kills himself. Krissy and her friends decide it’s okay to keep living in the house from “Malleus Maleficarum” despite Victor’s brains being scattered on the wall. Dean growls at Krissy, she kisses him on the cheek and he squints back at her. By season 15 they’ll be dating, then maybe she’ll die. Rapunzel (Sam) and Prince Haremshake (Dean) leave and have one last whiny exchange about closing the gates of hell. Sam makes his obligatory “I want a normal life” remark and laments over not having any pastries (edit: and CAAAAAAAAAAKE!) this week.

by season 73, sam and dean will have regenerated. dean will still be pretty and sam, as predicted, will become a giant hairball.
by season 73, Sam and Dean will have regenerated. Dean will still be pretty and Sam  as predicted, will become a giant hairball.

The End.

This episode has been brought to you by the letter W as in Why? Why bother? Who fucking cares about Krissy? What was the fucking point of that?

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7 thoughts on “special snarkview: 8×18, supernatural’s 3303030303th vampire episode.

  1. By season 15 they’ll be dating..

    LOL, she’s female so….will she really survive that long? Plus we need to keep up Dean’s manpain quota. ALL THOSE ONE SINGLE, PERFECT TEARS ARE WAITING TO BE SHED!

    Theres a weird scene where Prissy Krissy’s BoyToy calls her phone a ‘cellie’.

    Supernatural writers are very current and before their time. By 2015, cellie will like, totally be a thing. Trust me!!

    They bitch like teenagers arguing over which boyband is better

    I’m pretty sure that Dean would claim that Nsync are better than the Backstreet Boys because he sucks. Sam loves them both equally of course. He’s rocking the hairstyle that Howie D had in ’95 on purpose!

    This week we’re in Kansas.

    CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON! Kansas! And there was no emotional convo about how that was where it all started. As Dean watched his mother burn on the ceiling (from another room of course)…and YED dripped blood into Sam’s mouth. The current writers probably think that all of that shit when down in Seattle or Detroit or something.

    Great snark!! 😛

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    1. I appreciate the opportunity to snark publicly lol I promise when i write in for the fucking Felicia Day ep it will be shorter, and much angrier 🙂
      I’ve never been good with keeping things short (except my height). When i email my it looks like i’m sending him an essay, it’s rather unfortunate lol.
      You picked the perfect pictures to use! I hope anyone else who sees this enjoys it and if not you probably still enjoy the fucking show so what are you doing here anyway?
      The best thing i can say about Krissy is at least the actress hasn’t reappeared on “The Mentalist”. Her episode was on this afternoon and i felt like she was stalking me. So keep her contained to the CW please.
      To anyone offended or bothered by it i apologize again for the length but this was my first one 🙂

      Like

  2. I appreciate the opportunity to snark publicly lol I promise when i write in for the fucking Felicia Day ep it will be shorter, and much angrier 🙂
    I’ve never been good with keeping things short (except my height). When i email my it looks like i’m sending him an essay, it’s rather unfortunate lol.
    You picked the perfect pictures to use! I hope anyone else who sees this enjoys it and if not you probably still enjoy the fucking show so what are you doing here anyway?
    The best thing i can say about Krissy is at least the actress hasn’t reappeared on “The Mentalist”. Her episode was on this afternoon and i felt like she was stalking me. So keep her contained to the CW please.
    To anyone offended or bothered by it i apologize again for the length but this was my first one 🙂

    Like

  3. I had to restrain myself from throwing something at my screen when I watched this episode. All the dipshit tween-tards that still watch the show and think it’s brilliant are going to destroy culture and this fucking planet from their “cellies.” The only thing worse is the adults (LOL) who write this drivel. The show has literally turned into fanfic getting acted (badly) and filmed. LARPing and Felicia Day and fucking fairies. Fuck you, viewers.

    Krissy could’ve been interesting if her personality was explained as demon possession, and if demon possession was still in any way a major event worth giving a damn about on this shitshow (the way it was before every demon had Down’s and Sam & Dean got that anniversary present of the demon butter knife that kills everything and unburns your toast). But seriously, no one would notice any change in the little bitch’s snarky dialogue and Dean would’ve been forced to stab her to death. I would have thoroughly enjoyed that, even if the writers and musical score would pretend that it was a tough decision that would haunt the characters blah blah blah.

    The only thing Supernatural about this pile of fuck anymore is the patience required to sit through another hour. I should just suicide and hope I meet a friendly True Blood cast-off in Purgatory.

    Like

    1. I had to restrain myself from throwing something at my screen when I watched this episode.

      I am once again very glad that I didn’t watch this episode LOL. But I usually feel like three minutes into the ones I do watch.

      Like

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