snarkview: 8×17, in which cas is needed, but free to go once he’s made dean’s face pretty again.


Greetings! I went into this episode not having any idea what was happening, and came out of it the same way. Isn’t that wonderful? Points:

  • Jensen still has a ridiculous tan
  • Jared still has terrifying hair
  • Misha is still on the show
  • Angel tablet, demon tablet….we’re still pretending that this is a storyline
  • I am still watching the show, because I’m an idiot.

What the episode was called: Goodbye Stranger

What it should have been called: Hit Me Baby One More Time

The episode starts off with Dean in some room, he’s looking for something but unbeknown to Dean, Cas is lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce. Cas reaches him and starts fighting with him while Naomi (Heavenly Secretary!) gives him some sort of pep talk. In the end he kills Dean. YAY!!!!! But…oh, Heavenly Secretary steps out and congratulates Cas on finally getting it right.  The screen then cuts to a room full of dead Dean’s! It’s not even my birthday and Supernatural has gifted me with this wonderfully hilarious scene. Cas is ready to do what he has to do.

DEADDEAN

Oh, wait and before that there was a recap that ended with Dean praying to Cas, asking him to  look after his baby brother. PRAYING TO ANGELS IS STILL A THING ON THIS SHOW. Ah, who knew? LOL.

S8-Title-card

We’re in the Men of Letters house, because Supernatural has to get their money’s worth out of it. Sam’s on his laptop, on a table that has a Map of the World table cloth. This made me laugh for much longer than it should have. Dean’s flipping through old files/boxes/shit that isn’t even covered in the dust even though the house was left empty for sixty odd years, whining about something or other. He eventually finds some ancient Busty Asian Beauties-esque magazine and sadly doesn’t disappear for the rest of the episode. Sam starts coughing up his lungs (and BLOOD!!!!! YAY!) but claims that his drink went down the wrong tube when Dean asks. He then proceeds to dump his blood stained tissue in a trash can that is bizarrely placed right by his chair. SYMPTOMS OF TB!!!!!  They probably discuss some case and the tablet or whatever.

But somehow they’re back onto the skin mag. Dean asks if Sam knows how much his ancient Busty Asian Beauties-esque magazine would go for on eBay. Sam doesn’t know, and he asks if Dean does. Dean says no…but then that turns into a yes. I’m not sure why this scene is here. MOVE ON WITH THE EPISODE. Sam leaves to go wherever while Dean takes five–no ten minutes to bond with his magazine. *slow blink*  Before Dean can go and do that, he catches sight of the blood stained tissue in the trash can. OH HO HO HO HO WHO’S BEEN A NAUGHTY BOY?!

I hate his annoyingly handsome and good looking face. I think.
I hate his annoyingly, ridiculously handsome/good looking/pretty face. I blame Jensen Ackles for EVERYTHING. I guess we’re letting Jared off for a couple of months or something. LOL.

From this point on, I was sort of not paying as much attention as I was during that scene. But uh, they got to visit this woman who…has rollers in her hair. Making it very hard for me to take the scene seriously. Not that I take any scene seriously. Okay anyway, they question her about some other woman who is dead but had a map? A map of what? I don’t know. The rollers woman says that the dead woman’s secretary arranged a meeting with her. There’s a knock. IT’S THE SECRETARIAL DEMONS FROM CROWLEY!!!! Sam and Dean go into fight mode. By that I mean that they’re flung around the room LOL. Sam kind of just waves his hands a little and Dean tussles with one of the demons. Then one of the demons possess the woman for some reason. Cas shows up at some point and kills the demon that’s about to strangle Sam to death (fucking Castiel, ugh).

Afterwards, Dean gets Sam an ice pack for his shoulder. Sam displays his maturity by flinging it across the room and claiming that he doesn’t need it. Uh-huh. They ask Cas where he’s been and Dean is all, YOU HEARD ME DIDN’T YOU!!!! YOU HEARD MY PRAYER THAT TECHNICALLY SHOULDN’T BE A THING! Cas says that yes, he heard. It’s a pity that Naomi (not you, jarpadawan ;)) isn’t as intelligent as she could be. Imagine how  much shit they could learn from Dean’s “prayers”. IMAGINE. Sam, for some reason, is kind of a dick about Dean praying to Cas LOL. What a twat. I guess for our wincest brethrens, Sam was secretly jealous that Dean wasn’t praying to him. I have no idea when that scene takes place, by the way. I’m trying. I really am. Sort of….not really.

In the kitchen or wherever, Rollers!Demon is mocking Sam and Dean. Eventually Castiel gets some answers out of her and dispatches of her quickly. SAM IS OUTRAGED!!! Oh please Sam. Remember episode 2. How you killed that demon possessing Cello Mom’s neighbour? DO NOT FRONT. I remember everything most things. Besides, Sam doesn’t even want to save people anymore. He just wants a normal life with his true wuv. Grow some balls, Sam.

Fast-forward to some grimy place, where they discover a blonde Meg. Apparently Crappy!Crowley made her dye it blonde. Or perhaps he poured peroxide all over her. I think I like the sound of that better. She says some stuff. I’ve lost interest in even bothering to understand her. But from what I can make out, she’s been sending Crowley’s secretarial demons to fake locations of Lucifer’s crypts.

Lucifer’s crypts.

Crypts.

I don’t understand.

I don’t even want to understand.

They take her. After that there’s some stupid scene where she and Castiel bond and he mentions “The Pizza Man” five times and blah blah blah, they want to bone each other blah blah blah.

Crowley kills his last surviving secretarial demon 😦

Meg must direct them to one of the crypts, because all four of them are suddenly walking towards some place, with determined looks in their eyes. It reminds me of that episode Abandon All Hope, and basically I take it to  mean that the female will die. Bye Meg!  Before that glorious scene happens, Dean sidelines Sam. LOL. Poor thing!! Sam insists that he’s okay but Dean admits to seeing the blood stained hanky or whatever. Cas digs the knife in further by saying that Sam is damaged in ways that even he can’t heal. I’m not sure if that’s Cas or Naomi talking? The writers don’t bother to make it clear. I think that the crypt is where the angel tablet is stored, and the boys don’t know about it at this point so technically that’s what Meg’s been leading them to. I’m confused as to what it is Sam and Dean even think they’re after? The second half of the demon tablet? I DON’T KNOW.

So Dean and Cas go into…this crypt. Meanwhile Sam and Meg have a nice old chat. She asks him if what they’re doing is worth dying for. No answer. And they don’t tell Meg what they’re up to either. Unfortunately for her, she remembers her 10 minutes inside Sam’s body. She knows that he wants a normal life blah blah blah blah. I feel like someone (Dean) should just take Sam aside and yell YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO HAVE A FUCKING NORMAL LIFE YOU WHINY PRICK. AND CUT YOUR FUCKING HAIR!!!!!!!!! at him so he can just shut up. Dean had his year. Sam’s had his year. The end. Ugh.  Instead of Meg saying that, Sam starts whining about how he went off last year and had his normal life. Presumably, he’s forgotten Amelia’s name so Meg decides to refer to her as a unicorn.

A unicorn.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, NO.

XnM7Uht
obi-wan is not impressed, bitches.

Meanwhile, Dean and Cas are digging some shit. They find a huge slap of cement or something and then Naomi somehow mindfucks Cas to start beating the shit out of Dean!!!!! Yay!!!! It’s all very Swan Song-esque. Right down to the part where Cas isn’t in control of his vessel the same way Sam wasn’t in control. Castiel says that he can’t kill Dean but Naomi doesn’t give a fuck. I like her. I am Team Naomi until she does something stupid (which will be soon, but let me have this, okay?!)

Dean’s face is all bloodied up and Castiel is still going and then Dean starts whimpering shit like, “Cas, I need you.” “We’re family!” and just like in Swan Song, it gets through to Cas and he picks up the angel tablet (which isn’t encased in concrete anymore? WHO CARES?) and there’s a flash of light and suddenly Naomi isn’t in Cas’ head anymore. Yay! Cas tells Dean that Naomi has been controlling him since he escaped from Pure Purgatory blah blah. Oh and he fixes Dean’s face. And then he says that he has to go because they’ll be after the angel tablet. /eye roll. I mean, they don’t even know what the angel tablet even does? LOL, why is Cas going on the run with it without figuring that out first?!!! I’m sure Sam and Dean will find the answer in their Men of Letters HQ or something. I am very confused. I think I’m  better off this way.

Sam meanwhile,  is outside still chatting with Meg when Crowley shows up. Meg’s already resigned herself to death because let’s face it, it beats being Crowley’s chew toy. But uh, in fandumb terms, she totes sacrificed herself for Sam and Dean OMG!!!!

michael-jordan-laughing
michael jordan knows what’s up!! SLAM DUNK!

So Crowley says a bunch of shit, while Sam stands there like an idiot. Meg tells him to go and save Dean and look after her unicorn. UNICORN. As Sam is running in to save Dean, Dean runs out and they get in the Impala and watch as Crowley kills Meg before driving away!!! BYE BYE BYE MEG!!!! YOU WERE JUST ANOTHER PLAYA IN SAM AND DEAN’S GAME FOR TWO!!!

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Phew!!! So…basically we’re back where we were at the beginning of the episode? Sigh. I am neither shaken or stirred but I can’t help but think I’d find more enjoyable ways to mock SPN whilst drunk.

BuhYREH

In the car, Dean tells Sam everything. Sam pretends to care for a few minutes. Dean then says he can’t take any more lies. How many times has Dean said that he can’t take anymore lies, yet he takes the lies over and over again?  LOL. Sam says that if he didn’t admit it, it was like it wasn’t happening to him. LOL. He’s been coughing up his lungs and hacking up blood. I’m not sure how that whole pretending thing worked out for him. Dean says, “I might not be able to carry the burden of the trials, but I can carry you.”

I CAN CARRY YOU.  LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.

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Sam says some shit about how Dean just quoted Lord of the Rings blah blah blah blah blah. Dean turns on his radio/tape player and Goodbye Stranger plays over some annoying montage of Naomi sighing to herself, Naomi going to visit Crowley. Naomi receiving news that Castiel has not been found. And last and definitely least, Castiel on some bus to..somewhere with the angel tablet concealed in some bag.

On a bus.

A BUS.

xfcsQ

Surely angels can travel across the galaxy? His ass should be on Mars, not in a random bus!!! Or alternatively, he can travel to the Island from Arrow and spend five years trying to escape.

CASTIEL, YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CW SHOW BY REFUSING TO DIE.

THE END!

Rating: for Boorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring

WHY ISN’T THIS FUCKING TABLET STORYLINE GOING ANYWHERE????!!!!!! WHAT IS THE SECOND TRIAL! WHAT DOES THE SECOND HALF OF THE TABLET SAY? WHY IS THIS SHOW STILL ON AIR? WHY DO I EVEN CARE?

GOODBYE.

Uh, I might do the ones I’ve missed soon. I keep saying this but I even made the posts for them! SEE. I WON’T FORGET!!

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8 thoughts on “snarkview: 8×17, in which cas is needed, but free to go once he’s made dean’s face pretty again.

  1. I don’t know how you could make these shorter, hell my replies are way too long so I doubt I could help you 🙂 When Dean was saying the “I can carry you” BS this strange image popped in my head of Sam nonchalantly walking somewhere and Dean’s 10feet behind him carrying his hair while “Staying Alive” by the BeeGees plays. I don’t know why but that’s what came to mind lol.
    We can give Jared the summer off and blame Jensen for a while. For his birthday, I’d like bake Jared a cake to symbolize this dreadful season and write “You’re 31 years old, cut your fucking hair” in cursive, in green icing. I don’t know if they make green icing but they should.
    Isn’t TB super fucking contagious? Everyone around Sam should be dying. I read some dumbass viewer speculation that these stupid trials may be prepping Sam to be God’s vessel. That would be hilarious and nauseating.
    That old picture of Sam makes me a bit sad. 1) because it reminds me how good this show used to be and 2) I took one quick look at it and was pretty sure what ep it was from (Phantom Traveler?) and that’s a little sad.

    Like

    1. YESSSSS PHANTOM TRAVELER!! Season 1 was kinda silly but good silly! I miss it. It is sad for sure.

      this strange image popped in my head of Sam nonchalantly walking somewhere and Dean’s 10feet behind him carrying his hair while “Staying Alive” by the BeeGees plays.

      LMAO. If Supernatural had actual scenes like that imagine how much better our viewing experience would be, lol. I think I need to sneak you into the writers room!

      YES! It’s time to step up Jensen. I’m going to get a t-shirt printed up and everything. S’all his fault.

      For his birthday, I’d like bake Jared a cake to symbolize this dreadful season and write “You’re 31 years old, cut your fucking hair” in cursive, in green icing.

      ryan gosling laughing

      AHAHA, you’re killing me! They do make green icing, lol. That would be awesome. I’d help you bake it 🙂

      Uh, yeah but they’ve gotten around that by having Sam display symptoms. So he doesn’t actually have TB. LOL. Oh gosh, God’s Vessel! The Dean fans would have a fit about him having no storyline. It’d be popcorn worthy just for that lmao.

      Every time I try and make them shorter, they end up being longer! I need to less recapping and more snarking *nods* I love your comments haha, you have a great sense of humour! Maybe you should snark an episode at some point! I’d totally post it 🙂 Thanks for the comment! ❤

      Like

  2. If you like to post my snarkbitching of an episode i’m sure we could figure something out 🙂 There’s only so much I can do from this outdated phone but if you’d like me to email you a snark and you could post it here I’m all for it, just let me know.
    I could write Supernatural parodies all day, if only sneaking in the writer’s room was a possibilty! Or if I had a computer I’d use photoshopped photos and write it out like a children’s book.
    Happy to hear you’re enjoying my demented sense of humor as much as I enjoy yours 🙂

    Like

    1. It’s a deal! My email is spnsnark@gmail.com – It’s up to you what episode you do, I haven’t done 12/13/16/18 (haven’t attempted to download it let alone watch 18 haha).

      LOL. You could probably write them as scripts and no one would notice, not even Jared and Jensen. I think the writers have basically been writing parodies for the last couple of seasons. 😛

      *high-five!*

      Like

  3. Cool! The only one of those episodes I have access to is 18 so I shall watch it and you’ll be hearing from me soon 🙂
    If the writers wanted to turn the whole thing into a parody they could have atleast made it a good one. Then again, that would have required thought and effort.

    Like

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