I’m going to attempt to do this as I watch but alas, it’s inevitable that I’ll give up in about two minutes due to boredom. I did it! Kinda. It was all in short note form so I HAVE TO EDIT IT AND WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF. Also, I had to change my layout AGAIN back to the first ever one (hence the header) because the text is being a bitch. Fix your shit, WordPress.
I think it’ll be less snarky. Boo, oh well, here goes.
What the episode was called: Trial and Error
What it should have been called: Rehashville 50.0
Andrew Dabb wrote this one. Andrew Drabb.
The episode starts off with a recap made up of mostly season 2 clips. Ugh. Stop tainting one the two seasons that I still like, please. And then there’s some shit about how this place (Sam and Dean’s new house or whatever) has every spell, potion etc. I haven’t seen that episode yet but REALLY? Another magical building that has all the information that Sam and Dean could possibly want.
B o r i n g.
There’s a montage of Kevin doing shit, like drinking coffee and probably whining to himself repeatedly. Eventually he falls unconscious. Yay!
The episode starts of with Dean decorating his new bedroom or something. He takes out the picture of him and his mom from his wallet and puts it on his dresser or whatever. I presume that this magical!house did not come with any picture frames.
I thought it had everything!
Dean is happy to be sleeping on a mattress with memory foam! He’s never had his own room before. I take it that Lisa’s house does not count because somehow, Dean has forgotten that she ever existed. Sam looks unimpressed. Dean claims that he’s nesting, or something because Drabb is an idiot who can’t write. Dean cooks burgers. Sam claims he didn’t know that Dean knew what a kitchen was. I again presume that, a. Bobby never had one at his house. b. Sam thought Dean survived on fast food and take out while he was having his apple pie life. c. Sam is merely and idiot. d. Drabb really is an idiot that can’t write.
The house or bat-cave or pulled-out-of-ass-cave is big and huge and way too clean to have not been touched since the 50s. It should be a mess with damaged foundations. But alas, this is Supernatural where logic is never necessary. So therefore erosion, water damage and faulty electrical wiring do not exist. Well done Carver. Crapver? I like this whole name play thing, guys. You should probably stop me before I ruin it and end up with 9 seasons of word plays.
Kevin calls, just as they’re digging into their food, and says “come quick” and hangs up. Annoying little shit. They leave, but not before Sam takes his plate with him. This is a nod to the time that Sam realised that Dean knew what a kitchen was. Obviously.
They reach Kevin, who’s finally fucking figured out how to close the gates of Hell. After the usual high pitched whining and over-acting, he says he’s figured it out. He, Sam and Dean start grinning and hugging each other like they’ve closed the damn gates already. I’m confused, when they close the gates of hell for good, how will souls enter hell? Where will all the murderers and vile people go? It makes no sense. But hey, Supernatural logic. Sam and Dean probably think they don’t deserve to rot in hell because the alternative is being harassed by demons. Assholes.
Dean goes out to get supplies because Kevin can’t take care of himself. Meanwhile, Sam and Kevin talk about God knows what. Eventually Dean comes back and says, “Did you know that there are 6000 kinds of tomatoes?” At some point, Kevin tells them about these trials they have to do in order to close the gates of hell. The first one is that they have to kill a hellhound. Oh how terrifying. I’m not sure if Kevin says that only one of them can do the trials, but who cares.
6000 kinds of tomatoes. Good job, Drabb.
They go to a crossroads in Idaho. It’s situated by a ranch, and the first thing Sam and Dean is come face to face with the manager who is female! They seem surprised and I want to punch them in the face.
The husband of the owner shows up and declares himself to be a trophy husband. Instead of surprise, the boys smile creepily. I don’t know anymore. Trophy husband…Drabb, you’re spoiling us. Sam and Dean get themselves hired at the ranch which supposedly only had one manager, and no actual workers.Logic. Dean whines about how he misses his room but omits the part where he admits that he’s also five years old. While shovelling up manure, Dean tells a horse that he hates it.
Hell, the horse probably hates him too because everybody hates Dean.
While they’re shovelling up horse poop, they discuss the case or whatever and mention something about stalking the wife? I DON’T KNOW. Later that night, Trophy Husband is killed by a hellhound. Oh, how awful. Not. Sam asks if the widow of two hours is okay. Remember whywhatwhenwho, I miss that. She says she’s fine, and that she never liked him [the husband] anyway. Seems like Trophy Husband made a deal for her to ~love him. Nice.
Dean wants to summon a crossroad demon because he’s smart. Sam says Crappy Crowley would send a 100 hellhounds after them. SUMMON IT, SUMMON IT.
Later, the family that own the ranch have dinner. I’m still not sure how this ranch was surviving with only one worker? But the manager who is ~female calls for all hands on deck which is basically just Sam and her. We’re then thrown into some sort of bizarre soap opera where these people are saying all kinds of shit that you’d need some context to understand or care. Thanks again, Drabb. At one point, the blonde country singer calls Sam a Ken-doll.
Sam has too much hair to be a Ken-doll.
So female manager needed all hands on deck for…four people. Random bitchy woman/family sitting at table bitching. Reminiscing about a travelling sales man called…Crowley. CRAPPY!Crowley. Oh. Sam starts quivering and…well, he looked like he need the bathroom. But alas, he was really only expressing shock at Crowley being the cross roads demon. How convenient. /eye roll.
Not caring that his silly Dallas-esque characters are bland, Drabb has Dean call them “JR and gang”. *eye roll*
Cut to Kevin who’s is popping pills /eye roll. According to the tablet of doom, Hell hounds can only be seen by something touched by holy fire…so basically, holy oil. Otherwise known as Jesus juice, according to Dean. Well done Drabb. The episode then descends into madness when the two members family decide to take on the hell hound Sam decides to be a party to their madness. Don’t ask me, I’m still confused.
Dean is in glasses. How wonderful. Female!manager says he looks like Clark Kent or something. /eye roll. She then offers him sex. Dean says that he can’t. Because he’s the middle of trying to kill a damn hell hound or whatever. Rejectioooooon.
One of “JR and gang” are eaten by hell hounds because Sam leaves them on their own. How competent.
And This is the brother that will complete the trials? LOL. They tell JR and Gang about the hell hounds and Crowley. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. They handcuff them all in the room when none of them admit to making a deal with the British guy. Sam tells the blonde, country singer not to play dumb at one point. Pathetic.
Drabb then proceeds to pretends that he’s familiar with canon by referencing all the plot lines that this season has been a rip off of. Dean says Sam needs to be safe blah, blah. When are we ever safe, Sam bleats, as his eyes shine with fake tears. They argue over who gets to the trials…blah. Dean says gonna die with a gun in his hand while forgetting that he never fucking stays dead anyway. Of course he wants Sam to get out of the life and become one of the Men of Letters…yet…didn’t he basically make it so that Sam left Amelia who was his “true wuv” and only chance to have a life outside of the job (before the writers created one that suited Dean of course), LOL. That’s not okay but becoming a MoL is. You gotta do you, Dean. And you do idiocy well. He then threatens to shoot Sam in the leg if he tries to follow him and kill the hell hound. /EYE ROLL.
Ugh, Dean threatening to shoot Sam is not good enough for me, he has to shoot him and then be shot himself, the end.
So now, they’re both in glasses. Sam’s with JR and Gang and Dean’s wherever the fuck. And lol one of the JR and Gang members is a country singer who uses autotune. WHO GIVES A FUCK. Well done, Drabb points for ripping off….everything.
Blonde country singer makes a four eyes joke, because those are still cool. Not. /eye roll.
Dean finds the female!manager dancing badly to some awful song. After some boring hanky panky, she confesses that she made a deal with Crowley. *SHOCK* Female!manager has a sob story. It’s kinda sad but….who cares? Dean calls it a stupid move, like he can talk, rofl. Crowley apparently didn’t warn them *more shock*, why would he? She starts going on about how Trophy!husband made a deal, ja. Blah, blah, blah, let her die already. The hell hound starts howling outside or whatever. And she starts seeing things, like Dean’s face turning into some sort of grey blob.
BEST SPECIAL EFFECTS EVAH.
At some point, one of the JR and Gang people escapes while Sam’s out on watch or whatever. Sam’s so competent. I’m not sure if that person dies or not. But it’s just leading up to an inevitable and predictable Sam kill. /eye roll.
Dean sees the hell hound and starts taunting it and shit because that’s what smart people do, so naturally, it slashes him and knocks him down. So obviously Sam turns up to save the day. LOL. Poor Dean! Sam stabs the thing with…idk whatever it was and BLACK GOO EXPLODES EVERYWHERE!!!!! Really, basically they’ve recycled the Leviathans already.
The hell hounds look like craptastic CGI avalanches or twisters with eyes btw. SWIRLING WIND WITH EYES!
The suffering that we’ve come to know as the end of a Supernatural episode begins with Dean pretending that the first spell (in terms of closing the gates of hell) will work for him. It doesn’t. And then Sam asks Dean to believe in him, he can take Dean to the light he sees at the end of the tunnel [insert Hallmark crap]. Sam says that Dean’s so smart etc etc and LOL. What is this BS? Seriously why can only one brother do the trials? Just for the sake of more fucking drama where Dean looks at Sam like he has fifteen foreheads and Sam feels like a ~freak. They could even fucking alternate the damn trials and do it together which is SUPPOSED TO BE THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT OF THIS GOD FORSAKEN SHOW. Not Dean holding Sampunzel’s hair back as he coughs up blood. SYMTOMS OF TB, Y’ALL!
Dean relents eventually and Sam says two lines of the spell, falls to the ground dramatically AND HIS ARM STARTS GLOWING. Dean asks if he’s okay (…..fail) and after floundering on the floor for a few seconds Sam gets up and says that he is and that he can do the trials! It’s okay Sam, you keep on doing you. Try not to set your hair on fire.
HOW DID DEAN NOT SEE THIS THOUGH? Unless he’s so used to glowing arms that he just pretended that Sam was giving him a hint of what the ~light at the end of the fucking tunnel looks like.
RIDICUUUUUUUUULOUS. And it’s literally making my skin crawl. So pfpf;ld;fl BYE.
Episode Rating: D for DRABB
This is so fucking long and there are probably a shit ton of errors. I will fix them later. As for the two episodes that I skipped…uh, I downloaded them (why, self, why?) so yeah, I’ll watch them at some point.