Snarkview: 8×08, the one where everyone is John’s Friend.


What It Was Called: Something Ridiculous
What Should Have Been Called: (Something less ridiculous)

This episode was dubbed the cartoon episode. As in the deaths were straight out of cartoons. Sam explained the whole thing in a five minute scene that consisted of him, Cas and Dean standing by a table. SAM HAD LINES!!!!!!!

At the start of the episode Cas was told that he’d be having more top secret heavenly meetings…that he WOULD NOT REMEMBER!!!! So basically all he knows is that he won’t remember these meetings yet he’s not even supposed to remember! So how will he remember not to remember what he’s not even supposed to remember. The thoughts will be magically implanted or something?

That makes perfect sense.

Cas is so mindfucked by this that he decides to become a hunter. He wants to be Sam and Dean’s third wheel. I imagine that the Wincestiel fans were happy about that. They go to the morgue to examine some guy whose heart jumped out of his chest. Castiel is useless and Sam and Dean deduce that the dead guy was having an affair. Yay.

They go to visit the widow and it turns out she knew all about it blah blah blah. Cas not being able to remember those secret, heavenly chats apparently messes around with his memory and he forgets that he did the whole FBI thing back during season 5. So he decides to scream WHY DID YOU MURDER YOUR HUSBAND? at some grieving widow. They must get something out of that question and whatever followed because they leave.

HA HA HA HA HA. God, Cas is so hilarious.

At some point there’s a flashback. Sam and Vet Lady are moving into their new house and her father is coming over. Vet Lady is panicking because her father won’t be happy about this. They’re moving too fast, etc etc. He’ll be able to tell that her and Sam have no chemistry together. Sam tries to reassure by kissing her awkwardly. Go on my son!!!

Back in the present, some guy hovers in mid air for ten seconds then falls to his death, cartoon style. Hurray. Sam and Dean investigate.

Dean and Cas have some heart to heart in which Cas repeats every whiny thing he’s ever said. He’s bad, he should be punished blah, blah fucking blah. Dean is understanding because growling at people isn’t getting him anywhere either. Or well, that’s how I took it to be because I stopped listening.

Sam turns up and explains the entire plot of the episode for us. He just drones on for about five whole minutes, using some circles on a map as a visual aid. Somehow, the cartoon deaths and experiences are linked to some robberies in the area. And just zzZzzzZzz seriously.

One of the robberies was at on old people’s home. So they go there. Some old lady mistakes Cas for her late husband and rambles about someone stealing her diamonds blah. She also mentions a talking cat.

Sigh.

Meanwhile, Sam is staring at a wall. And then he’s staring at some old man. Someone comes up to him and says some shit and voila flashback.

Uh, he meets her Dad. I think that was about it. Her Dad happens to be that guy (The friend of John’s) from Phantom Traveler. SEASON ONE MEMORIES. Back when this show wasn’t as dull as watching paint dry. John’s Friend From Phantom Traveler doesn’t seem impressed by Sam either. I don’t blame him really, how can anyone trust a man with that much hair? I’m probably mixing things up here but that’s what happens when there are A THOUSAND IRRELEVANT FLASHBACKS. John’s Friend From Phantom Traveler is all like, SO YOU DIDN’T SERVE IN THE ARMY. Sam says no but tells him that his dad was a marine. John’s Friend from PT says that Sam has that look about him. Sam’s a soldier, that ain’t scared to stand up for her, known to carry BIG things if you know what I mean. SHE KNOWS SOME SOLDIERS IN HERE, WHERE THEY AT, WHERE THEY AT. Honestly, John’s Friend should be grateful. Sam’s a great catch.

Back at the home, Sam’s recognized another old friend of John’s!!! This guy is the one who gave Sam and Dean their first beer. Awwwwwwwww! He’s also psychokinetic. I think that means he can create energy with his mind. I DON’T KNOW. They go up to his room and Dean hits himself on the head with a pan or something that just happened to be there. Birds flutter around inside his head. Yay. This can’t get any worse. Right? Right? Actually I think we reached that point after the talking cat.

Uh, John’s Friend 2.0 is unresponsive. Cas is all like, DO WE KILL HIM?!!!! And naturally the owner of the care home walks in. Sam and Dean blow the joint and Cas stays. But then John’s Friend blows up a cake after seeing a cartoon candle on TV. HE CAN ALSO CHANGE THE CHANNEL WITH HIS MIND. Sam and Dean return and the assistant or whatever is caught with that old lady’s diamonds. “My boyfriend gave it to me,” she whines after Dean growls at her. So they bust into boyfriend’s house and find him bleeding out on the floor. Cas saves him and the guy says some shit. And I don’t know, at some point Sam has another flashback.

This time Vet Lady and John’s Friend from PT are arguing about Sam. Sam meanwhile is just pacing around the kitchen as he washes up or something. Vet Lady says that Sam makes her happy and that she LIKES him. Aw hell naw, I thought it was true wuv. Maybe that came later. WHO CARES. JFFPT says that they’re just holding onto each other because they both lost someone but Vet Lady tells him to drop it and he helps Sam dry. Disappointed in you JFFPT, extremely disappointed.

Back in the present, Sam, Dean and Cas return to the home to find the thief. John’s Friend 2.0 is gone!!!!!!!

WHAT’S THAT COMING OVER THE HILLS?

Sam’s hair as it flaps in the wind as they go looking for John’s Friend 2.0. It’s distracting.

Dean goes off somewhere while Cas and Sam locate John’s Friend 2.0 in a van. Sam starts trying to tell him that the thief is using him, like this guy can even understand him. And he asks Cas if there’s a way he can talk to him. OH HOW CONVENIENT. Cas transports them into John’s Friend’s head. And whoop-de-fucking-doo, they’re in fucking Cartoon Network or whatever. Bad CGI and everything. Dean is going after the thief, who is the owner of the care home. WHAT A SHOCK! They tussle and the guy gets away and Dean tries to shoot him and this happens:

image
HA HA HA HA HA

And then more cartoon-esque shit happens. Meanwhile in cartoon world Sam tries to pretend that his weird lifeless relationship ship with Vet Lady was him trying to make something impossible happen. Apparently this is the same as John’s Friend 2.0 staying inside his head. But the pep talk works and they’re transported back to Earth where Thief is pointing a gun at Dean. And somehow Thief ends up shooting himself. Uh. Yay. Cas does something to John’s Friend and then he’s whipped away to a secret heavenly meeting. Heavenly secretary says he’s not to return to heaven until she says so. When he returns, Dean says that Cas can ride shotgun. Presumably because he’s fed up of talking to Sam’s hair. Cas however chooses to stay in the home. I don’t even know.

Somewhere in the midst of all of this, there’s another awkward flashback where Sam, Vet Lady and JFFPT are laughing awkwardly and reminiscing about something. Vet Lady gets a phone call.

(I WAS LIKE, “hahaha bet the husband is alive” BECAUSE THE SOAP OPERA OF SAM AND VET LADY IS AMAZEBALLS AND COMPLEX.)

She gets off the phone and announces that Don, her presumed dead husband just called.

AWKWARD.

EPISODE RATING B for Boring.

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