snarkview: 8×07, the one where sam is overly concerned about everyone [image heavy, because I suck].


Hello!

This week I’m attempting to make my own gifs because I don’t even have the energy to  look on tumblr. So far, I’m sucking at it but whatever okay. THIS SHOW DESERVES MY SECOND RATE GIFS ANYWAY.

…okay so I can’t even make second rate gifs. So here’s some that I stole. This is Sam’s contribution to the season so far.

And this has been my reaction to pretty much every single episode of this season:

…they said that it couldn’t get any worse. THEY LIED.

episode title: A Little Slice of Kevin

what it should have been called: THE ONE WHERE CROWLEY SORTA SLICES KEVIN UP AND I ENJOY HIS PAIN

Well what, I did. He was extra annoying in this episode.

The episode starts off with an unnecessary recap of cello boy and all of that nonsense with his mother. Then we’re at some play group and some demon kidnaps a kid and somehow starts a ten minute tornado, brought to you by SPN’s UH-MAZING special effects. I think they’ve swapped out some of their sfx money on music. They needn’t have bothered, all of the songs feel stilted and misplaced anyhow. After the title card they show Dean driving along a deserted road somewhere because IT ALWAYS HAS TO BE DESERTED ON THIS SHOW. He’s playing some song and BAM he sees Cas on the side of the road and sadly he doesn’t veer off course and crash and die.

Look, if he was dead and then Sam died, this shit would be over. So I want them to die. My logic is flawless. 

He gets out of the car but it’s not Cas and…well, he’s so orange that I’m wondering if it’s affecting his vision somehow.

I honestly thought that he was alarmed by that weird bear statue. I mean. Look at this shot. I just wanted the bear to spring to life and EAT HIM.

AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED HE WAS ALARMED BY THE BEAR AND DIDN’T SEE CAS AT ALL.

Anyway, he goes back to wherever he and Sam are staying, it looks like a cabin. Sam asks if he’s okay. Which is all Sam does in  this episode basically. WHYWHATWHENWHOAREYOUALRIGHT. I preferred whywhatwhenwho. Dean says that he’s fine, I think. I’m sorry I don’t know. The episodes are always so dreary that I tweet or play Words With Friends and ignore the episode. Until it gets dumb or something, because I like laughing at the stupidity. Sam fills Dean in on the tornado/missing boy blah blah blah. He pretty much spends most of the episode sitting by a computer.

Yet he hasn’t found the time to get a haircut.

We move onto Crowley torturing Matt From Bugs or someone who looks a lot like him. He wants to know the names of prophets but according to Matt From Bugs the angels don’t know. I guess he’s lying, but I don’t know, who cares. I’m not quite sure why this scene is even in the episode. Or Crowley. Is Crowley the big bad this season? I mean, wasn’t he the big bad in like, season 6? WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS SEASON IF WE’RE RECYCLING BIG BADS. And sure, they’ll invent one (probably in this episode) and Sam and Dean will miraculously solve the brand new plot that we all learn of in the last three episodes. I love this show.

Off topic but I miss (not really but you know, kinda) Sera Gamble. I mean, yeah her Big Bad’s were shit. Mother of All, Crowley (?)…Levia—them, Samuel’s eyebrows. BUT AT LEAST SHE HAD ONE. AT LEAST SHE DIDN’T JUST DECIDE TO REBOOT THE WHOLE ANGELS VS DEMONS crap. At least she had the guts to sideline Casti-waste-of-fucking-screen-time-el.

Fuck you Carver.

Anyway, in this weeks edition of At Home with the Tran’s, Mrs Tran has hired a witch on Craigslist or something to help her make demon bombs. Kevin whines a little, then he whines some more and he just doesn’t ever stop whining and just, someone needs to punch him. The witch is called Delta or something and I promptly stopped paying attention.

Sam and Dean visit the woman/demon from the beginning to talk about the kid that vanished. It was such a riveting scene.

Any sensible woman would also not fully open the door to two tall dudes with mismatched brown patches/fake tan on their faces. RIGHT?

After that they go back to…their cabin or something, and at some point Dean’s on his laptop while Sam’s asleep and he looks up and just happens to see Cas in the window.

DUN, DUN, DUNNNNNNNN.

Bravo whoever wrote this episode. Thanks for all the suspense that you’re creating!!! MY HEART IS BREAKING FOR POOR CASTIEL, TRAPPED IN DEAN’S SUBCONSCIOUS.

VAGRANT ALERT!

Dean runs to the window and starts staring out of it longingly as he wonders if he’s losing it. I think. Jensen just kind of pulled a face at the window. And then Sam wakes up and I got distracted. But then he asked if Dean was alright.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Dean’s all like, “NO, I SAW CAS AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING, I LEFT HIM IN PURGATORY”

Oh yes. Out of nowhere Dean’s been having this inner battle with himself about whether or not he left Castiel behind in Purgatory. *eye roll*

Sam’s like, “BUT THAT’S NOT POSSIBLE – I MEAN, THAT’S WHAT YOU SAID ANYWAY, I DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PURGATORY EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT IT’S PURE.”

They talk some more and eventually Sam pats Dean on the shoulder and heads over to the bathroom. I probably should have headed off to the bathroom too because we’re sent SPIRALLING INTO FLASHBACK!

Dean, Cas and Benny are en route to the Escape from Pure Purgatory. Cas doesn’t believe that it’ll work and is being all pessimistic and shit. Benny says it’ll work. Cas is all, oh but it’s a human portal there’s no proof that an angel will pass through. He thanks Dean for everything (DESTIEL!!!111111). Dean growls, SAVE THE HALLMARK, NO ONE IS GETTING LEFT BEHIND.

Poor Dean. Not. 

LOL. The CW logo is practically Dean’s stubble.

Oh my god, these pictures are wasting my time. No more until the end because the portal to earth was h i l a r i o u s. We go back to Crowley who’s waving the tablet around. He’s kidnapped prophets from all around the world and tries to make them all read the tablet. Crowley is a fucking idiot. Anyway, some guy is all pissed and Crowley kills him. Which snaps some of them into shape and they start trying to read the tablet. Yay.

Back at Sam Sits In Front of  His Computer And Does Nothing (I’m creating shows within the show, it keeps things moderately interesting and y’know, awake). Sam asks if Dean’s alright. Again. I don’t even know. There’s a conversation and some flashbacks.  I ain’t writing it all out so:

Dean growls something and goes to the bathroom to wash his face and VOILA!!! An unkempt Castiel shows up behind him. {Insert all Destiel and slash references}

I COULDN’T QUITE COMPLETE MY BEING, Cas says.

HOW ARE YOU HERE? Dean growls.

ARE YOU OKAY? Sam asks.

Cas goes to shave/or clean up/or whatever. Meanwhile, Sam – who’s wearing some fugly shirt – reads out the names of all the missing people and Cas finishes off the list and they’re prophets. And we all knew this anyway and…anyway. Moving on.

At some point we go back to At Home With The Tran’s and the witch shows up with only a few of the things they need to make the demon bomb (please) and long story short, the witch double crossed them and voila! Crowley shows up and takes Kevin but only after Mrs Tran screeches incoherently for like ten minutes. She’s left spraying holy water on some demon. Next, next, next.

Meanwhile, Crowley is bursting people and cutting off Kevin’s finger (yay) and the kid still won’t read the tablet. Eventually he relents. I don’t know what the point of any of this is to be honest. But he read and reads and reads, meanwhile Mrs Tran gets in contact with Sam and Dean somehow. As they’re waiting for her Dean has another flashback.

Dean’s all like, “CAS, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU OUTSIDE” and lol, uhm, Sam’s just going to sit there then, poor thing. But don’t worry Sam’s big event is coming soon!!!! I still love you Sam. Kind of.  Anyway, Dean growls some shit about how he didn’t leave Cas even though Cas doesn’t think he left him. Oh right, as they were escaping, two leviathans conveniently popped out of nowhere. Woo, Sera’s legacy lives on!!!!!!!! IN PUREST PURGATORY!!!

This is all I got from the scene before Mrs Tran showed up and Sam sprang out of the car!!!! That wasn’t even his big event but I am so proud that we at least got to see him doing that.

boooooooooooring.

Sam is outraged when he hears that Mrs Tran hired a witch. YAY SAM!!!!! And she has the demon that was left to kill her in her trunk. Oh. So I guess they get Crowley’s location from him.

They drive there.

Sam has his big event…..HE THROWS A DEMON BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then vanishes off to the side and tells some kid that he’s here to help. You did good, Sam. I think.

This leaves Dean and Castiel to deal with Crowley. Dean is concerned about Cas. YOU’RE NOT BACK TO BEING A FULL ON ANGEL YET, he growls but Cas goes in anyway and uh, this happens:

 L M F A O

And his WINGS come up and just, no. No, no, no, no, please fuck off. I assume that Crowley vanishes because that’s all he ever does.

Cas tells Dean some sob story about how he deserved to stay in Pure Purgatory, blah blah blah blah.  Dean growls something back. Castiel transports to some weird place (IN HIS MIND, GUYS. HIS MIND) and meets someone called Naomi, she says that they (?) were the ones who got Cas out of Pure Purgatory and if she mentions a reason, I didn’t hear it. Or the rest of the conversation. Cas snaps back into reality and he’s still talking to Dean.

Sam comes over and asks if they’re good or something after Cas walks off. Gotta love Sam and his repeat questions. Sigh.

THE END!

Episode ratingN/A because I can’t even be bothered any more.

Thoughts: It’s so, so obvious that the writers are making up this shit as they go along. Castiel is annoying, Kevin is annoying, Dean is mostly annoying. Jensen is overacting (every single Dean/Cas scene, jeez). Sam is still wallpaper. Crowley is annoying, there’s no plot, another character has been added on and no doubt she will be EVIL or disappear due to lack of consistency and just, no.

I read that this episode “confirmed” Destiel for certain people. Y’all are dreaming, lol. Also, after this episode some Sam fans were outraged about the lack of Sam. Just shhhh guys, this is a good thing. If only there was less Dean. And then eventually no Sam, no Dean and no show!!! Everybody would be happy. Right? RIGHT?

Next week: Is this the cartoon episode? Kill me now.

merci et au revoir!

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