God, where do I start? I hate this stupid show. I can’t even look at Sam and Dean right now so I’m using weird, yellow smileys to convey my emotions in this post.
DON’T JUDGE ME. Judge, away. I don’t give a fuck anymore.
Episode Title: There Will Be Blood
What it should have been called: You Will Be Bored.
I honestly don’t remember much of this episode. I think Sam and Dean have to look for the three items they need to kill Dick Roman and pretty much spend the episode getting like, one item. And, uh confirmation of another from a demon that…would rather kill them. I don’t know, I couldn’t make sense of it either. They needed blood from…a righteous mortal (pretty sure they only needed a bone but what the fuck ever), blood from…the alpha vampire and blood from crowley. They got all of that blood, made a ton of dick jokes and also dabbled in the art of HOW TO HEAL YOUR BRUISES WITHIN 30 SECONDS. Oh and Sam cut some Leviathan’s head off. They let the Alpha Vampire live even though he, a. kidnapped and brainwashed a little boy and b. had some girl he kidnapped and brainwashed years ago and c. IS THE FUCKING ALPHA VAMPIRE. Oh and they demanded that the release the boy, but uh, the girl’s fair game cause she’s older. Whatever. And because this season has been SO FUCKING STUPID they leave the fucking girl with him. UGHHHHHHH. Oh and on the fucking way out, the alpha vampire is all like “SEE YOU NEXT SEASON!” Oh, fuck off, show. Fuck you.
The only other thing in this episode worth mentioning was Bobby. He goes nuts basically every time he sees Dick Roman. DESPITE THE FACT THAT SAM AND DEAN ARE WORRIED THAT HE MIGHT BE GETTING A LITTLE VENGEFUL, THEY HAVE NO QUALMS ABOUT MAKING SURE BOBBY SEES THE GUY ON TV. UGHHH. Yeah so, that happens and they lock the flask in the safe because they can’t risk Bobby fucking everything up. Obviously, Bobby breaks the fucking combination because Dean’s a fucking muppet who’s not as clever as he thinks he is. He then proceeds to fuck everything and he possess a maid. Good lord, why won’t they put everyone out of their misery and get rid of him for good.
AND FINALLY, WE HAVE REACHED THE LAST EPISODE OF THIS STUPID SEASON!
Episode Title: Survival of the Fittest
What it should have been called: the survival of sam winchester’s sideburns.
BECAUSE THIS WAS THE DUMBEST FUCKING EPISODE WE’VE HAD ALL SEASON.
ROAD SO FAR – Yes, I have issues with this. Playing Carry On Wayward Son over a montage of clips that I DON’T EVEN FUCKING WANT TO REMEMBER will just piss me off. And it did. Ugh.
- After two minutes of that shit, we finally get to the episode. UGH. WHY DIDN’T I BUY ALCOHOL. We pick up where we left last week and I’m sorry for the lack of snark for that episode. NOTHING HAPPENED. Or well nothing that means anything apart from Crowley basically being on the verge of double crossing the boys. Dick and Mr Crowley talk and talk and talk and talk until he convinces Crowley to give the boys some other’s demon’s blood.
Yeah, I totally didn’t see that one coming.
- Sam and Dean meanwhile are driving the latest piece of junk and are talking about how they’re plan is going to fail epically, the weather and other shit. I don’t know. Of course, Dean just happens to turn on the radio and, there’s a lovely announcement that tells them exactly where Dick Roman is located. Dean promptly switches the radio off. “HUZZAH!” he cries, “This isn’t a coincidence at all!”. I expect nothing less from Sera Gamble, but this was ridiculous even for her.
- They’re at some abandoned convent or something looking for the righteous bone. They have some tedious conversation about some crap and eventually get a bone. UNNECESSARY SCENE. By the way Dean has a new leather jacket. Yeah, it’s pretty fucking horrible.
- Boring Dick/Crowley scenes
- Back at…wherever the fuck Sam and Dean are, they summon Crowley. He doesn’t show up. They have some conversation about whether or not Crowley is legit in his agreeing to help them. HAVE THEY ALWAYS BEEN THIS STUPID? EVER HEARD OF A BACK UP PLAN? IF IT CAN BE KILLED THEN THERE’S PROBABLY MORE THAN ONE WAY UGHHHHHHHHHHH.
- Meg shows up. I STILL CAN’T (AND AT THIS POINT, I REFUSE TO) UNDERSTAND A WORD THAT SHE SAYS. WHY WON’T SHE FUCK OFF? She says that Cas zapped her from wherever the hell she was and brought her back and makes some Destiel jibe. Question: Since when did demons knock on the door? And, no that hell bitch from season 4 does not count.
- Dean goes and has some fucktarded chat with Cas outside and the angel starts rambling about monkeys or Justin Bieber or whatever and I’m just sitting there staring at Jensen dreamily as I wonder why he’s still on this fucking show. It’s a waste of beauty and talent. AND GOD, SOMEONE NEEDS TO LIGHT THAT JACKET ON FIRE.
- Inside, they continue the chat. Castiel says that he’s too chicken shit to fight. Sam blends into the wallpaper and Meg spends 5 years looking around the room before realising that they’ve summoned Crowley and she tries to leave — through the door. Sigh. Crowley doesn’t let her go, he yells at Cas a little because Cas is basically a useless waste of screen time at this point. Blah blah blah blah, he gives them the blood and vamooses.
- LOL. MEANWHILE GUYS, BOBBY IS TRYING TO STEAL A CAR. It’s somehow got an iron handle or something. And he ends up leaving the poor nurse’s body. She pleads with him to let her go. “For fuck’s sake, this episode sucks anyway. Just die in peace Bobby away from Sera Gamble’s awfulness!” , yeah I don’t know what she really says so just go with that. Bobby considers it for like 2 seconds, but then, whaddaya know. He sees newspaper casually lying on the floor with the headline “DICK ROMAN NAMED MAN OF THE YEAR” and is CAUGHT UP WITH RAGE! Nurse, eh. They can never get any luck.
- There’s some random scene with that dumbass prophet that’s been in the last two episodes. He’s in a room and some blonde girl called Polly enters. I don’t know either.
- Sam and Dean are preparing the bone and blood. Apparently there are no words or anything, because the writers were too lazy to come up with anything. Nothing happens. SIGH. But Cas shows up with some sandwiches that have meat in them that won’t turn the boys into Turkducken zombies. AND, THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO REQUEST MY FIRST PUNCH IN THE FACE. I’m surprised it took this long.
- Dick has some sort of Leviathan gathering with his brethren’s and says some boring, nonsense and does something to Polly. It’s not important anyway. Prophet boy is listening in and he looks very worried so I assume that something is bad is happening. LET IT HAPPEN! SO EVERYONE CAN DIE. Or something. But Prophet boy tries to escape. I say escape; he tries to walk out of the goddamn building. LOL. THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR. Lordy.
- Sam and Dean, meanwhile are creeping around outside and they see that there are multiple Dick’s. This part of the episode evaporates into thin air literally 30 seconds after it’s introduced. SAM HAS THE GALL TO MENTION THAT FUCKING BITCH FROM THAT STUPID EPISODE WITH FELICIA DAY AND ASDFGJKL PUNCH ME. But then a truck pulls up and, whaddya know. BOBBY!MAID EMERGES! Of course, Sam remembers her from the motel and decides that he’s going to sort this shit out. Dean mumbles some crap but Sam tells him to “Shut up!” SAM FINALLY HAS SOMETHING TO DO! AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. It’s basically Bobby vs Sam 2.0. Bobby basically beats the shit out of Sam and tries to kill him. In the end Bobby sees his own reflection or something and stops. So basically Sam doesn’t really do much except…pick up the nurse…and gets to do his whole SUPERHERO CARRYING INJURED DAMSEL IN DISTRESS!POSE again. A part of me is jealous really. It’s almost worth me wanting to be in a shitty episode of Supernatural. The key word there being almost. Because even after all of this fucking shit, I’d still do Sam Winchester. Sigh. I think I need therapy. ANYWAY. Yeah, he does his superbatspiderman pose.
- More Cas. More crap. More wasting screentime. Dean finally yells at him and tells him that all of this is his fault. They’re fighting the worst bad guys in the show’s history because Cas let them out. Cas just plays Twister by himself. Meg says some more incoherent shit and we move on to the next scene. BOBBY’S DEATH 2.0. YAY! He says some heartfelt/boring crap and Sam and Dean pull some sad faces at him before they toss the flask onto the fire and it’s basically, I KNOW THAT I CAN’T TAKE NO MORE, IT AINT NO LIE. BABY, BYE BYE BYE, DON’T WANNA BE A FOOL FOR YOU, JUST ANOTHER PLAYER IN YOUR GAME FOR TWO, BYE BYE BYE!
- Meanwhile Cas has moved onto UNO, and he’s back again to wasting screen time. Dean forgives him or something and asks Cas to help him out. And whoosh they’ve transported to a random storage place that’s holding….the IMPALA. But…wait, what. WHY ARE THEY BRINGING THE FUCKING IMPALA INTO THIS? UGHHHHH. I HATE THIS SHOW.
- Born to Wild starts up, and on a serious note this scene actually upset me because I’ve always thought that they should have used this song on the show but not like this. Just when I thought I couldn’t get even more disappointed. But anyway, the Impala comes racing down the street, zooming towards Sucrocorp! BORN TO BE USED IN ATROCIOUS STORYLINESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. And, I don’t really know what the fucking point was because it then crashes into the fucking Sucrocorp sign. REALLY. YOU BRING THE FUCKING CAR BACK AND THEN CRASH IT WITHIN TWO FUCKING MINUTES? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, SHOW? Oh, and then Meg emerges from the car and proceeds to borax a couple of the Leviathans before eventually she gets taken away. THANK GOD. I hope Crowley turns her into a fucking Hell-Fried-Chicken meal downstairs.
- As that’s happening, Sam, Dean and Cas sneak into the building where Dick Roman just happens to be sitting at a table by himself. Sam goes off to…idk rescue Prophet boy while Dean and Cas go after Roman. Now, Kevin starts rambling and says some shit about how they need to burn the building down. KID, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND UGH FIX UP YOUR STUPID HAIR.
- Dick’s moved to the lab, where he’s testing some shit. Dean and Cas kill the lab guy and the stab Dick Roman with a fake bone. WITH A FAKE BONE. WHY. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT? WHY WOULD YOU STAB HIM WITH A FAKE BONE. FOR FUCK’S SAKE. Obviously he pulls it out and conveniently misses the fact that Cas is no longer standing next to Dean and Cas stabs him in the next. WHOOPEE, RIGHT? WRONG. Some weird mist starts to surround him and the two meter perimeter around him and because Dean and Castiel are fucking blockheads, they just stand there and watch. Sam, who’s managed to emerge from wherever the fuck he was, watches two and then SPLAT! Dick explodes and vanishes along with with Dean and Cas.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
- Crowley shows up and basically says some shit along the lines of “HAHA, YOU’RE MY BITCH NOW, SUCKER” to Sam as he steals Prophet boy and tells Sam that it’s his job to round up the rest of the leviathans. Sam’s basically just staring into the distance as he wonders how Sera and co have managed to fuck up the show even more. Sam’s all on his own and, lol. It’s pretty funny. I mean, it’s not like we had this during season 4 or anything. Or, like season 6. This time we just have the added bonus of having Dean and Cas trapped in fucking PURGATORY.
- Purgatory looks like Mystic Falls for those of you that watch The Vampire Diaries and there are these ridiculous red eyes amidst the trees. Cas basically says that they’ll never make it out alive and then he leaves Dean on his own. LOL. So, we have pissed of Wincest shippers, Happy Destiel shippers (thus proving that Destiel shippers are morons) and pissed of everyone who has any semblance of taste.
- I’m guessing that technically, Dean and Cas are “dead”. This obviously means that the key to survival this season is being in possession of TWO GIANT SIDEBURNS (Sam) or QUESTIONABLE HAIR (Sam AND Prophet).
SO, DESPITE THE FACT THAT PURGATORY HASN’T BEEN MENTIONED IN THE PAST TWENTY FUCKING EPISODES, THIS FUCKING PLOT HAS JUST COME OUT OF NOWHERE AND IS GOING TO BE THE BASIS OF SEASON 8? UGH. I DON’T EVEN CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO DEAN, CAS OR EVEN SAM AT THIS POINT. THIS SHOW IS SOOOOO STUPID AND GOD, THIS EPISODE WAS JUST THE EPITOME OF MORONIC STORY TELLING AND BAD, BAD WRITING.
So, I’ll leave the writers of this show with one last FUCK YOU VERY MUCH. Try to lay off the pot next season.
To my readers & lurkers this season, thank you! I might do the episodes I missed in one huge random post along with my predictions on just how shit season 8 will be.