Episode Title: Reading is Fundamental
What it should have been called: This Episode Is Not Fit For Human Consumption, Do Not Watch It.
- Usually at this point, the writers ignore the previous 19 (or in the this case 20) episodes and decided to dramatically change the entire plot of the season due to the fact that there’s been no actual plot thus far.
- This basically means that they’ll bring the angels back in to fuck everything up. JUST SHOOT ME SOMEONE. PLEASE.
|Sam’s hair didn’t even look good. Then again he only had like 5 lines, so maybe no one could be bothered. #SPN|
|The bone of a righteous mortal washed in the blood of three pigs or something, idk. UGHHHHHHHHH. #SPN|
|So….basically nothing has happened in this episode. That’s…not surprising at all. #spn|
|Oh yay! SOMEONE’S PUNCHING CAS IN THE FACE! #SPN|
|Sam seems troubled. Yeah, he’s stuck in a stupid episode saying stupid lines that are related to a stupid plot. #SPN|
|This annoying cello boy is a prophet. Sigh. Also, I want to punch Castiel in the face. #SPN|
|OH MEG, SHUT UP. I CAN’T UNDERSTAND A WORD YOU’RE SAYING. #SPN|
|A cat’s penis? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT UP. #spn|
|UGH. PULL MY FINGER. UGHHHH. I HAVE TO PAUSE IT AND GO AND HIT MY HEAD AGAINST A WALL. UGHHH. #SPN|
Can I punch this kid with the cello in the face? #SPN
some of my tweets during the episode. i’m pretty sure i burst a kidney or something while i was watching it.
Ugh. Just ugh, I don’t even know what to say about this episode. Edlund fans, I’ll never listen to you again. This is like my third Edlund-caused migraine. Just look how aggravated my tweets are. I might actually have to punch myself in the face guys. MYSELF. So..let’s begin.
I’ll keep it short because my head fucking hurts. I WROTE 2000 FUCKING WORDS. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
- RECAP. Why is it so long every week? I don’t want to remember all of this stupid shit. Bobby, Dick Roman, Cas – AND UGH, HE’S IN THE EPISODE. Great. Meg too. I am overjoyed. Get to the fucking episode already.
- OPENING SCENE. Some stupid kid is playing a cello in Michigan. He has an alarm for when to stop practising cello. An alarm. I WANT TO PUNCH HIM. He gets on the phone to some random girl (they claim she’s his girlfriend but please) and starts rambling about his SATs — Really. You expect me to believe this kid is in high school? According to imdb he’s TWENTY FIVE AND IT DAMN WELL SHOWS. Of course I already knew he was a prophet but the fact that he’s super intelligent and smart means that he’s……DESTINED FOR A LIFE OF DOOM ON SUPERNATURAL. I DON’T EVEN CARE.
- Meanwhile….Sam and Dean are in South Chicago or South Stuck-In-Crappy-TV-Show Land and they’re about to smash the piece of clay. Okay, so…how did they know that there was something inside it in the first place? I doubt it was explained in the episode. But whatever. Dean whacks it with a hammer. THUNDER! LIGHTNING! KEVIN DRINKING SODA! Dean stops and is all “derp”? He whacks it again. THUNDER! LIGHTNING! CELLO BOY HAS STOPPED DRINKING SODA. Dean’s all like, “Pretty sure that’s a sign for me to stop smashing this piece of clay”. Sam *dramatic pause* and he basically says something agreeable. Sigh. Dean doesn’t give a shit though about unleashing havoc on the world and poor cello boy so he keeps on whacking it. MEANWHILE KEVIN/CELLO BOY IS HIT BY THUNDER! LIGHTING! BROKEN GLASS! Sadly, he doesn’t die.
- Sam’s reading Cracked on his laptop as Dean wakes up (well that was my assumption, I’m now writing my own scenes for Sam). Dean washes his face after pointlessly turning on the pointless light. There have been some storms or something. Oh, and every pregnant woman has gone into labour. I don’t even know what the point of this conversation was, but we end up back at Kevin’s. He wakes up and awwwww, he’s missed his test. His mom or girlfriend (I don’t know/care) calls, and you know as you do he’s all like “I think I had a seizure”. Eh. At some point he has his mother’s car (not sure how this happened) and he can’t stop driving somewhere. Sadly he doesn’t drive himself off a large clif.
- Meanwhie, CAS HAS WOKEN UP! Not that I understood a word of what Meg said to Sam on the phone. Sam and Dean probably crawl to the hospital and when they get there Cas is there. Because this show is stupid he’s still wearing the trenchcoat. Nobody really gives a shit. Dean says hi. Cas says hello. And, is this a thing now? Dean says “Cas” and Sam specifically says “Castiel”? Ughhhhh. And because this show loves itself a little bit too much we get the Single Most Awkward scene I have ever been unfortunate enough to witness.
It goes something like this:
Cas: Pull my finger
Me: OH MY GOD WHAT. WHAT THE FUCK
Cas: (because we didn’t get the first time) Pull my finger!
Me: *PAUSES* OMG MAKE IT STOP, WAHHHHHHHH.
Dean: (he pulls a lot of faces here and looks a little constipated)
Cas: *manic grin*
Sam: *blends into wallpaper*
Meg: *DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HER*
Dean: *After 123567 hours, pulls Cas’ finger*
Me: FUCK THIS STUPID SHOW. FUCK IT.
….and then the lights explode! I’m pretty sure that doesn’t happen like in real life unless there’s been an actual explosion where actual gas has been turned on, or you know. But what do I know? I’m too stupid to quit this stupid show. Anyway. They start talking. By which I mean, Dean growls some shit in his Batman Voice™, Sam….blends into the wallpaper some more, Meg says some shit to whoever can decipher her garbling and Cas…annoys everyone. Sam and Dean show him the tablet and he’s all, it’s the word of Metatron or God or something and….because Sam hasn’t had anything to do/say he comes up with single most dumbest line of the episode. Something about how Metatron is from Transformers. Dean’s just like that’s “Megatron”. I just shake my head in despair as Sam’s like, “WHAT?” Just stop talking, Sammy. Just stop. Fuck you Edlund. Anyway Cas rambles and then WHOOSH vanishes (after some creepy, “OMG MEG, HAVE YOU MET MEG? I LOVE MEG! IF I WASN’T JUNKLESS I’D HAVE HER DEMONIC BABIES! MEG! SHE’S LIKE A ROSE” and “CAT’S HAVE PENIS’S” and “THEY’VE MANAGED TO FUCK UP MY CHARACTER EVEN MORE!”) and breaks the tablet. And then, the single most saddest scene of the episode. Dean tells Sam to pick up the broken tablet while he goes after Cas. Sam Winchester. Reduced to picking up broken pieces of crap. Sad times for the Samster. After that he blends into the wall paper again. Meg says some shit.
Meanwhile, Cas is sitting in some abandoned room somewhere, and Dean joins him. And because this show loves itself way too much, they play some fucking quirky little game called “Sorry” an honest to God board game. Now I get that they were trying to be cute and they were trying to make the scene touching. Messed-the-fuck-up!Castiel trying to apologise in his own way as Dean tries to get answers from him but it’s just really fucking awful. Dean yells at him a little. Cas keeps on saying some stupid obnoxious shit and I JUST WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE.
As Sam and Meg are (as far as I’m concerned) just standing in that room, something BOLTS in and steals the tablet or something. I’m pretty sure I’m remembering it wrong but whatever. That cello kid has stolen it and…Sam starts running after him, with his hair all flowing in the wind and just….it’s just sad. Sam’s now had to pick up broken pieces of crap from the floor and chase after some kid with hair even more questionable than his own. On his own fucking TV show. I feel you, bro. I feel you.
Some angels show up. They make some snide remark about Sam and another demon bitch. Sam’s face basically says, “Look I don’t write this crap, okay? I just have to live it” because I’m fairly sure that he doesn’t say anything. I don’t know why they’ve just reintroduced angels back on this show suddenly. WHY. WHY CAN’T WE JUST BE RID OF THE FUCKING ANGELS FOR FUCKING ONCE. But yes, two of them show up and growl at Meg who mumbles some shit back at them. I think they want to take cello boy but who knows. Sam just stands there. I bow my head down in respect. It’s not his fault that he’s trapped on this stupid show. It’s also not his fault that they’ve managed to fuck up his hair again. Cas shows up and is all chirpy, happy, annoying….blah blah and eventually Dean applies some common sense and fucking blasts them all out of there. THANK FUCK FOR THAT.
They’re at some store. Not sure why, I’m pretty sure Sam could have found out that cello boy was really in high school on his phone or something. But it’s Federal and that means that there’s Cause For Concern™. Blah. Meg gets spotted by some demons and they’re just like, Sam and Dean are old news blah blah. Blah. Blah.
~somewhere in the middle of this, that weird Leviathan Edgar (if that’s his name, I’m truly ashamed that I remember it) is randomly somewhere getting a call from Dick, he cleverly remarks “I don’t know why you’d chose to be called Dick”….oh fuck off, show. Along with the “grabbing dick” line, they’re NOT FUCKING FUNNY. I’m not sure who the jokes are aimed at really~
Car scene. Cas calls Meg. I stop paying attention. Cas appears in car. Cello boy freaks out. Cas says some annoying shit. End scene.
They take cello boy back to….wherever that place is and he’s all, IS THIS A SEX SLAVE DUNGEON. OMG. IT MIGHT BE. OMG, OMG. I’M JUST GOING TO STAND HERE AND BE DRAMATIC. Dean tells him to shut the fuck up and transcribe the damn tablet. Oh, yes. Cello Boy can read it. Yawn. They angel proof the place. Sam’s left to do that. LOL. Oh and he has some crappy conversation with Cas, where’s he’s all like “It sucks that you have my hell inside your head, we’ll try to help you blah blah”. He finally has lines and just…no. I disagree with everything he just said. So, it’s no longer in my head canon. Stupidity. Ugh.
Oh Sam. Meg goes out and kill some demons and annoyingly doesn’t get run over by the giant truck they were driving. Sigh. She goes back and gets all butthurt over them drawing a Devil’s Trap. Cas helpfully tells them that she was off doing good but Dean just demands the knife back.
ANGELS APPEAR. And they somehow have Kevin/Cello Boy. The female angel seems to be really butthurt over Cas just vanishing. I don’t know why and don’t care but it’s almost kind of amusing. The male angel just wants to understand blah blah blah. Eventually female angel punches Cas in the face.
And she’s full on beating him up when….Meg kills her. God, I fucking hate that bitch. Oh and apparently demons can kill angels now. Whatever, show. You fail at retcon. After that they hand over Cello Boy to some angels. Bye then. Meg is lying low somewhere. They get around to reading the transcription….blah blah blah they need to put a bone from a righteous mortal into blood 57 times or something, and need blood of a fallen angel. HOW FUCKING CONVENIENT. Cas hands it over to them and is all smug. UGHHHHHHHHH.
They cut to Kevin’s house where his mother is talking to some random guy, probably a FBI agent. She’s just like, “HE SAID HE HAD A SEIZURE, WHAT IF HE HAS A BRAIN INJURY” I’m pretty sure the term is brain damage, and yes, I am nitpicking her lines. She’s had more than Sam already, not counting that BS convo he had with Casti-fucking-el. The angels helpfully zap Kevin home. LOL. THEY KNOW THAT THE LEVIATHANS WILL POSSIBLY BE AFTER THIS KID (that whole protection nonsense is complete crap, and the leviathans are supposed to be smart)…but no, they just….take the kid home.
The FBI guy (Edgar/Leviathan) says some shit like “Angels meet death” and then rips their hearts (?) out and black goo starts coming out of them.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
- The heart being ripped out shouldn’t affect them – though I guess I could put it down to it being some freak Leviathan thing but that would mean that I’m applying logic to the show and per-fucking-lease.
- The Black goo makes no sense unless they’re Leviathans. Which they weren’t and just….fuck this shit.
One of the most WORST FUCKING EPISODES, EVER.
I’m just going to go and punch myself in the face now.