Episode Title: The Girl With The Dungeons And Dragons Tattoo
What it should have been called: Clearly We’ve Run Out of Ideas, Just Go With It Okay?
But what do I know, I’m just a self-entitled fan with a brain.
Anyway, as I said in the preview this episode was always going to end up with me wanting to punch Felicia Day – she did not disappoint.
Recap. Bobby. Leviathans. I don’t know, none of it looks familiar to me.
And OH, the episode starts with Sam and Dean this week and not some dumbass teenagers. Maybe they’re actually IN this episode! (SPOILER: They’re not). I don’t know what they’re really talking about and Sam’s hair looks like it’s been ironed to his skull. This does not bode well. They’ve been calling all of those random numbers stored on their phones or something. Oh and, Bobby shows up as soon as Dean opens the goddamn flask (I’d burn that thing myself if I could. YES. I’M SO ENRAGED THAT I WANT TO BURN A FLASK OWNED BY A DEAD FICTIONAL CHARACTER. What has my life become? Meaningless). There’s a fleeting sign of hope when he disappears but then he reappears and I carry on trying to stab myself with a pencil. I wish I’d succeeded because; Bobby then proceeds to EXPLAIN AWAY THE ENTIRE FUCKING SEASON IN THE LONGEST FUCKING MONOLOGUE I HAVE EVER HEARD. HE HAS SOMEHOW MANAGED TO GATHER UP ALL OF THIS INFORMATION WHILE DEAD AS SAM AND DEAN APPARENTLY HAVE COME UP WITH SWEET FUCK ALL. It was horrible. The Leviathans want to cure us all of illness and brainwash us with Turducken and the send us to death camps. Surely something smarter like mass reproduction would make sense as all the Leviathans apparently want to is have huge human feasts for the rest of eternity. Oh, sorry. Logic doesn’t work on this show.
Sam and Dean meanwhile just take in this information without a care in the world. I hope they feel good about themselves.
Enter Bobby 2.0 via voice. Sam gets an email [with an mp3 file attached or something] telling him that someone has tried to access his hard-drive (and I’m pretty sure they killed him off here, but who actually gives a shit at this point? – Not Sam and Dean, that’s for sure). Naturally, there’s GPS on it and voila, location. The hard drive has VITAL INFORMATION ON IT. VITAL INFORMATION ABOUT SAM AND DEAN. Remember how they have new fake identities? And how they stored the car away? I’m not sure how this works, they’ve been driving around America looking exactly the same but with different cars to disguise themselves? Fucking what. How stupid are these Leviathans?! Don’t answer that. Anyway, lol. This information is vital. I can’t even. Next part.
Enter Felicia Day. Naturally, she makes the single most annoying entrance anyone has ever had on this show. She rides in on her bike or boat or whatever. Removes her helmet, and puts on some gigantic headphones and starts up her ipod or whatever. I KNOW THIS SONG. I’M PRETTY SURE IT’S…..and what the fuck. She’s dancing to WALKING ON FUCKING SUNSHINE in the fucking elevator. Just kill me now. Seriously. Can she die now? (SPOILER: She does not die. The annoying ones never do. Until the season finale).
Things we need to know about her: She’s a lesbian. DEFINITELY NOT A LOVE INTEREST, EVERYONE. THERE WILL BE NO SMEXING. NO SMUT. NO SMOULDERING LOOKS OF LONGING. SHE IS NOT A LOVE INTEREST AT ALL. (70% of the fandom sighed with relief and thought she was brilliant, 30% still wanted to kill her. I know which side I’m on), she’s an oh-so-adorable-geeky-nerd, oh and she gets laid, so she’s mentally stable. She also has a creepy!workmate, who is less socially able and cooler than she is, thus proving how cool she is. We won’t talk about the Hermione bobble-doll and the Star Wars t-shirt.
Oh, by the way Supernatural ended five minutes ago. You’ve now tuned into, the FELICIA DAY SHOW! Seats are on the left, pencil’s and melon scoopers on the right. (SPOILER: You’ll be wanting to go to the right).
Some tedious stuff happens, her boss calls her into his office and Dick Roman is there. He starts rambling on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about how she has some SPARK and how AMAZING she is and how’s she’s the ONLY one who can do this task, blah, blah, blah. Oh, she’s a hacker by the way. Not that I give a shit. He wants her to hack Bobby 2.0’s hard drive because he wants to know what Bobby 2.0 had on him. Clearly he wasthe only fucking hunter who gave a shit about these BORING LEVIATHANS. Not even Sam and Dean seem to care. Bobby gave them those numbers when he died and has now come back as a ghost to explain it to them. I’m not even making this shit up.
She spends a whole night cracking the hard drive. Not one single fuck is given. At one point her boss is eaten by a Leviathan. But no one cares about him. Eventually she cracks it and she…stupidly reads the fucking file and Bobby’s 2.0 is back reading out lots of shit that I can’t remember. Suddenly, FELICIA DAY IS AN EXPERT ON LEVIATHANS. She abuses her Hermione doll some more and well. I don’t care what she did after.
Sam and Dean meanwhile meet up with her somehow and she’s all, I’M ON YOUR SIDE BECAUSE I HAVE SOMEHOW FIGURED OUT THAT DICK ROMAN IS A LEVIATHAN. They talk, and she’s all, “I should have taken the job at Google”. Ugh, can somebody just KILL HER. I honestly am not sure what happens next, they somehow want her to access Dick’s laptop/computer by FLIRTING HER WAY PAST THE SECURITY GUARD. What is this 1993? I’m pretty sure she coulda kneed him in the balls and been done with it in about 3 minutes. Or, what if Dick Roman wasn’t an utter failure of a bad guy his guard would be A FUCKING LEVIATHAN. Ugh, the stupidity.
Naturally, on this show lesbian = can’t flirt with men. So…Dean has to talk her through it, and well let’s just say that Jensen Ackles is paid more than enough to do this shit. It was fucking embarrassing. Of course because she’s so OMG CUTE AND ADORABLE AND SPARKLY AND QUIRKY, she fucks it all up and starts repeating back every single thing Dean says. Like, “I’m trapped on a shitty TV show” and “Shut up, Sammy”. Because Sam decides to start laughing during a very impor–I can’t even finish this sentence. Oh and while this is happening, whoever edits this shit decides that we need SPLIT SCREENS. A THREE WAYS SPLIT SCREEN. Ugh, fuck off. This is Supernatural not some slick, Hollywood movie. Ughhh. I can’t. I just can’t.
She hacks his computer and steals information about a delivery he has coming in that night. YAWN. Somehow, she’s still in the building, while Sam and Dean go to get something – the delivery or something. She runs off, and Dick Roman finds out that his delivery is really some sort of Borax bomb.
THEN….we’re treated to some sort of Ocean’s Eleven style flashback. FOR THE LOVE OF CLAY, THIS IS SUPERNATURAL. HOW MANY TIMES. WHAT IS THIS.
Sam and Dean intercepted the clay while dressed in these cute outfits (NGL) – oh that’s right, they stole a giant slab of CLAY. Now I know that this slab of clay probably does something but, clay. REALLY? REALLY. Oh dear. It’s just literally the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard/seen/witnessed/watched/wanted to shoot myself over.
But then some how Bobby, who’s all GRRRRR VENGEFUL SPIRIT whenever Bobby is around and he attacks Dick Roman as he’s chasing Charlie out the building – apparently the borax bomb didn’t hinder him at all – and he…roughs him up for a while, breaks some glass and breaks Felicia’s arm.
Where are Sam and Dean at this point? I don’t know but out of nowhere they somersault in through the window and…do nothing. Somehow Felicia Day ends up in Sam’s arms like he’s Batman or something.
Eventually they leave and just I don’t care what happened after that. There’s some bland awful end scene where Felicia Day finally fucks off and Dean declares that she’s like the Mary Sue sister he never had. Sigh. He and Sam then discuss Bobby. AGAIN. Burn the fucking flask, already.
- Felicia Day did not die during the episode – disappointing. ACTUALLY. THIS ANGERED ME SO MUCH. UGHHHHHHHHHHH. ALSO, SHE WAS IN LIKE 90% OF THE EPISODE. I’ve never screamed “FUCK OFF” so many times. (I probably have, but just go with me on this one). Worst character ever. Probably as bad as Garth.
- WHO ACTUALLY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT WHINY BOBBY THE GHOST ANY MORE? UGH.
- That monologue at the beginning was fucking awful. But it’s the beginning of dramatic-new-plot-in-the-last-three-episodes-of-the-season time! And because we’ve been bored to death by the previous 19 episodes they crammed it into a five minute monologue said by a character that 70% have lost interest in. Not only that, why are Sam and Dean made to look STUPID every week. They are the main characters, the leads of this show. I want to see them fucking doing some research themselves instead of relying on GHOST EX MACHINA time and time again. It’s like watching two attractive planks of wood each week.
- In line with the dick jokes, I’m surprised they didn’t steal a piece of wood from Dick Roman. Heh.
- This episode was shit anyway….NEXT.
And just for shits and giggles, I did a post about James Patrick Stewart. Read it in the bathroom.