So, the summary of this episode mentioned evil ballet slippers and Dean having to resist wearing them. This was obviously a ruse to get people to watch it because this episode was really about the Leviathans! Remember them? No? Me neither. This season’s big bad (more aptly named boringly bad) because no one cares about them. They have those freaky mouths and that’s all that distinguishes them from whatever The Big Bad has been in previous seasons. So needless to say that this episode was one giant snooze fest*
*For Sam too it seems!
So the episode starts with some snotty ballerina bragging about how awesome she is or something. So she’s obviously going to die. She puts on her music and starts to dance. La, la, la, la. Or the snooty version of that. And – wait, what – for some reason her dancing is juxtaposed with the janitor MOPPING THE FLOOR. Now if he was secretly behind the mojo I could understand by he isn’t yet – SERIOUSLY WHY DO THEY KEEP ON SHOWING HIM. I don’t know/care but it was annoying. And then SPLAT. After they turned her into some sort of revolving door or something her feet are blown off her body.
I’m pretty sure that Dean’s on the phone to Frank but I don’t remember what the hell they were talking about. Bobby’s coordinates are still useless, they still don’t know what the Leviathans are up to and most importantly I don’t care. Sam’s yawning all over the place and he’s all like Lucifer won’t shut up. Okay, so. Why not just sleep anyway? If he’s in there all the time it should make no difference but no, we have to endure sleepy one minute, alert the next minute Sammy for the rest of the episode. Joy.
After we find out that Dean saw Black Swan for the girl-on-girl action,
– They cut to some girl at the police station that is oh-so-desperate to try on the evil shoes. And she does and Sam and Dean burst in and save the day. But not before we watch her revolve around in a circle idiotically. She kicks Dean in the face —- THE SHOE HAS TOUCHED HIM NOW. THIS IS IMPORTANT. And voila cursed object.
– They put the shoes in the trunk but somehow they end up in the backseat, IN DEAN’S SIZE. AND DEAN FEELS COMPELLED TO WEAR THEM. But Sam manages to prevent that. Thank fuck for that.
– They go to the store where the shoes were bought. It’s called “Out With The Old”. The store owner tells them how he sold a bunch of items locked in a safe that his mother told him not to touch. Oh look, another moron!
– There’s a teapot, some player thing that I forget the name of and…porn. Miraculously all of the coffee Sam has taken has kept him alert through all of this. Teapot lady straight up pours the hot tea all over her face and that’s the end of her face.
– Some player thing boy goes all psycho and tries to stab his mother with a knife and just before he does it…..SAM BURSTS IN AND SAVES THE DAY! They’re saving people in this episode. I’d almost forgotten that they gave a shit about anyone else. Dean gets the porn but we don’t get to see that. *sadface*
– They…I don’t know what happened to the cursed object plot but it all but evaporates into thin air.
– Sam is god knows where and Dean’s takes a stroll down the street and notices that every single building has a real estate agent’s SOLD sign on it.
– At some point Frank calls Dean and nothing interesting is said at all. And then at some point Sam and Dean are on phone with each other and Sam’s suddenly tired again. Dean’s all like, “Are you even listening?” and I’M LIKE, HE HASN’T SLEPT FOR LIKE TEN YEARS, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LETTING HIM DRIVE.
– Of course that becomes apparent when Sam forgets to turn the radio back on, he falls asleep on his deserted road that suddenly becomes occupied with a GIANT TRUCK. They’re not going to kill Sam in episode 16 of the season so I just wait for the perfect moment to roll my eyes when Sam wakes up and swerves just in time. YAWN. Sam decides to get more coffee and is spotted by a Leviathan. This is followed by a conversation about eating a Winchester. I’m 99.9% sure that it wasn’t as amusing as the writer thought it would be.
– Sam gets to Dean and I don’t have a clue what they’re talking about but eventually Dean seems to give a shit that Sam’s barely even awake and Sam tells him that Lucifer won’t shut up. DEAN LOOKS LIKE HE CARES. NOT. Perhaps he’s as bored as I am. I mean, why are they sitting in some diner talking….why is this all so dull. (Because this season sucks). According to Sam, Lucifer been through Stairway To Heaven at least 50 times in his head. “Good song” Dean says. Well, okay then. Nice.
– Sam gets a call from that shop owner because lol, Dean’s literally not going to do anything in this episode then. Because HE’S the sleep deprived on? Mmmkay.
– The Leviathans are trying to set a trap for Sam and Dean and they fall for it, but George (the male Leviathan who spotted Sam) helps Sam killed HBIC (Head Bitch In Charge) Leviathan so HE CAN EAT HER. Or something, that’s all I got from it. Dean just gets flung around a lot. George is a chatty motherfucker who starts going on and on and on and on about something. He doesn’t want Sam and Dean to kill him and is more than happy to give away the Leviathan’s BIG SECRET. They’re – wait for it –
LOOKING FOR A CURE FOR CANCER.
A. CURE. FOR. CANCER.
In conclusion, THE WRITERS HAVE LOST THE PLOT.
– Sam and Dean are both like WTF and I don’t know – maybe they kill George in the end but CURE FOR CANCER? I’m still blindsided by the STUPIDITY that has just filtered into my ears.
– They’re driving some piece of shit by the way, I mean where the fuck is the Impala? Bring it the fuck back already!
– Dean says something about Sam sleeping and as they drive off Bad Moon Rising starts to play.
YOU DON’T PLAY BAD MOON RISING IN SEASON 7 LIKE YOU HAVEN’T FUCKED UP THE SHOW. HEY SOUND EDITOR – PICK ANOTHER SONG NEXT TIME!
But, yeah BMR = SOMETHING BAD IS ABOUT TO/HAS HAPPEN(ED). And…they’re pulling up at Frank’s bunker. I hope he’s dead in there but alas, there’s just blood everywhere and NO BODY. The boys are all *sadface*.
Boring episode, confusing plot that was all over the place, things didn’t make sense, dean’s indifference was just annoying, Sam was half asleep then suddenly alert enough to kill things or whatever and just it was SLOW.
Next week Cas is back but not one single fuck will be given by me or anyone who appreciates good plot and has good taste.NOTE: THERE WAS A GLORIOUS SCENE WHERE SAM’S WALKING AND IT’S WINDY AND OMG HAIR. BLOWING. HAPPINESS.