Okay so first things first, Sam hate is unnecessary. If you don’t like him then….just shut the fuck up. Good.
Now, this episode was called The Slice Girls. They should have called it Destiny’s Child. It was about Dean having sex. Basically. And what a letdown that was! The episode starts with some guy getting hacked to pieces. Blood! Yay! Then we move on Sam and Dean are…talking. Dean’s swigging away from Bobby’s flask and Sam’s pitching a case to him. And I’m already bored.
Dean goes to a bar. Fans online were so insistent that Dean gave a shit about the case. But, yes. He goes to a bar. I imagine that the script was written in the same flat tone i’m using right now. He starts hitting on Aunt Jenna and for some bizarre reason, Jerry Wanek decides to use the must obnoxious zoomed in shots. Eyes, mouths. And okay, I get it! Sexy times are ahead! But, oh. More awkward zoomed shots.
Then finally! SEX! I think it’s supposed to be kinda rough. Aunt Jenna slams Dean into a couple of doors or something. And WAIT WHAT. Some random guy is dying elsewhere! Oh and back to the sex. Which is so tame that when we go back to random guy dying elsewhere I don’t quite know what to do. This scene obviously doesn’t work as well as the director had hoped. But I laughed so hard I cried. So thanks director. Thanks a lot.
The next day, they’re off to look at random guy elsewhere. Dean’s all tired out from his dalliance with Aunt Jenna and Sam teases him in that cute younger brother kind if way (SAM HATERS CAN FUCK OFF). It’s the same MO as the other bodies and Sam hears that the guy cheated a few days ago and is all *pensive brooding face*.
It’s all becomes very boring after this point. Yeah. This episode sucked.
- Dean left Bobby’s flask at aunt jenna’s. Calls her, she’s short with him and hangs up and more teasing from Sam. OH LAWD. SHE BE PREGNANT.
- they harass some professor. But with their pants on. Disappointment. they harass him constantly. Because no more Bobby. But oh wait….a paper moves. Sam dismisses it as the breeze but Dean is insistent. Now, if the writers of this show weren’t morons this would be reversed. Sam would either feel Bobby’s presence or see him and Dean would put it down to his scrambled brain BUT NO. Morons!
- at some point Dean gets his flask and there is a TALKING BABY. He follows talking baby – WHO IS NOW A TWEEN OR SOMETHING – and some other shady women to some warehouse.
- Aunt Jennna vanishes. So basically all she did was have sex with Dean, have a one day pregnancy and 30 seconds labour. Some women get all the luck!
I can’t. I can’t write anymore. But I will anyway.
- Talking baby grows and grows and grows in about 52 seconds to a 16 year old. Missy Bender, y’all. She turns up at the motel where Dean is conveniently alone. There is some talking about god knows what and eventually Dean pulls a gun on her.
- Sam’s back at the college and ngl, Sam made me laugh in this eppy. Especially his scenes with the Professor. But of course that blonde FBI agent is really an Amazon thingy and she tries to kill Sam but he shoots her. But oh no. His phone is broken! I take it that phone is the one that Jared smashed up? Ah who cares. Sam then has this ridiculous montage of scenes where he’s speeding to the motel. It’s just him swerving crazily #likeaboss
He gets there and shoots Missy Bender. Hurray! Okay, okay so everyone was all up in arms about Sam shooting her but what even. She was going to get shot anyway. Dean was stalling though I fully believe that he would have shot her, I know that Dean’s thought process is sloooooooow. Plus…wasn’t he drunk, lol. He should have been full on drunk in that scene. It would have been great.
….yeah not quite.
The infamous last scene hasn’t been worth watching for years. I don’t know why the writers feel we need this shit tacked onto the end of every single fucking episode. NO, OKAY. NO! JUST END THE FUCKING EPISODE WITHOUT MAKING ONE OF THE BROTHERS
SAM SOUND LIKE A FUCKING DOUCHE, OKAY?
They have this bizarre conversation where Sam is all like, “This is like Amy all over again, why didn’t you shoot her”. UH, WELL YOU KINDA SHOT HER FIRST. NOT ONLY THAT. WHAT DOES IT FUCKING MATTER. Dean is probably drunk in this scene. Because he’s just bewildered. Sam says some shit about shit and Dean says something about Sam being bigger.
WHO. WROTE. THIS. SHIT. WHY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? END ALREADY!
Sam tells Dean not to die. Dean says that he’ll try. Wasn’t Dean’s plan in the last episode for them “not to die”. What a meritless and useless conversation to end the episode on.
I think that Bobby was a moron, but if he really did stick around so he could watch Sam and Dean then he’s an even bigger moron than I thought he was. Like a moron of the highest order. He’s probably getting drunk on spirit wine and singing about how moronic he is.
I’m not bitter at all.
Next week: Clowns! Unicorns! And Sharks! OH MY! (copied, word for word from the CW) — I posted about the summary: here
I’m going to love this next episode, I can tell.